Mr.Watt rang the phone at the residence of Mr.Knott. "Who's calling?" asked Knott. "Watt." "What is your name, please?" "Watt's my name." "That's what I asked you. What's your name?" "That's what I told you. Watt's my name." A long pause, and then from Watt, "Is this James Brown?" "No, this is Knott." "Please tell me your name." "Will Knott." YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED. READ THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED... "Why not?" "Huh? What do you mean why not?" "Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?" "But I told you my name!" "Didn't you say you will not?" "Not not, knott, Will Knott!" "That's what I mean." "So you know my name." "Of course not!" "Good. So now, wha

On one side of the world, a man is given a blowjob by a 80-year-old woman. On the other side of the world, a stuntman attempts the unattemptable: Tiptoeing on a stretched cord between two skyscrapers. What are they both thinking? "Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down, don't look down..."

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat. "I'll have some fuckin' French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin' French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don't know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don't want the fuckin' French toast."

If you use your rollaway tool box for your bedroom dresser. If you are afraid to mow your lawn because you might find out where Grandma's been for the last two months.

How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

Two maggots were playing billiards. One says, "I'm bored." The other replies, "Beats fishing."

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."

I think - therefore I'm single. (Lizz Winstead) In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. (Margaret Thatcher) When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. (Elayne Boosler) I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. (Dolly Parton) I'm not going to vacuum 'till Sears makes one you can ride on. (Roseanne Barr) If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? (Linda Ellerbee)

Anybody can win. Unless, of course, there happens to be a second entry.

Did you hear about the eyeglasses maker who moved his shop to an island off Alaska and is now known as an optical Aleutian?

Hopeless Romantic. Seeking: Filthy Whore