Popular Jokes
Why do people say "This is the first day of the rest of your life"? Isn't that true about everyday unless you die that day?
Ed and Ted went to the fair, where they came across a small crowd gathered around a stall. They decided to go over and take a look.
"What's going on?" Ed asked a person in the crowd.
"We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said, nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet, and there's a prize of $100 for anybody who can."
"I can do that," Ed said confidently.
"You can't," said Ted. "You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that thing."
"Watch this," said Ed and he climbed aboard the bronco machine. The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
A man asked a woman,"Will you marry me?"
The woman replied,"No."
They both lived happily ever after!
Yo momma so stupid she brought the jigsaw puzzle back to the store because she thought it was broken!
Perfect breasts (o)(o)
Silicone breasts ( + )( + )
Perky breasts (*)(*)
Big nipple breasts (@)(@)
A cups o o
D cups { O }{ O }
Wonder bra breasts (oYo)
Cold breasts ( ^ )( ^ )
Lopsided breasts (o)(O)
Pierced Breasts (Q)(O)
Hanging Tassels Breasts (p)(p)
Grandma's Breasts \ o /\ o /
Against The Shower Door Breasts ( )( )
Android Breasts | o | | o |
Mamogram Breasts (_)(_)
Martha Stewart's Breasts ($)($)
Yo momma so fat and stupid, when she stepped on the scale she went running to me saying "Look! Look! The scale talks!" I dropped my purse onto it to test this theory and it said, "hI" in the area where the numbers usually show up. Yo momma said, "See!? When I stepped on it, it said, 'hELLO!'" I told her, "The scale's upside-down."
Never buy a toothbrush at a yard sale.
Never buy a parachute that was used once and never opened before.
Never sell computers for free at your garage sale. Trust me, there are many more ways to demolish your house.
Never put bathroom humor up on the internet.
Never watch American Idol auditions with Coke in your mouth.
Never watch American Idol auditions without a couple of aspirins.
And never, ever catch your grandparents taking a shower.
All of these words of advice were found out by first-hand experience.If you want to meet the guy brave enough to try all of these "stunts" out, go to the Almont Graveyard in Stamfort, Michigan and visit the grave entitled:"Dave 'Daredevil' Deatson".
The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.
The pilot asked, "What's that for?"
"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
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