One mistake my mom made when I was three: she taught me how to read the word napkin. The second mistake she made: I asked her why "napkins" were under the sink. She said they were for "special occasions" The third mistake she made: My mom asked me to set the table for the special occasion tonight. So I went to the bathroom and got the "napkins" for special ocassions, and set them on the table. When I got done, my dad came in and burst out in laughter, along with my uncle and aunt as they walked in. When my mom came in, her face turned bright red.

A man had parked his car in the supermarket parking lot and was walking past an empty cart, when he heard a female voice say, "Mister, are you using that cart?" "No," he answered..."I'm only after one thing." As he walked away he heard her murmur, "Typical male."

Bees can't sting... The woman you like at work said yes... An Irishman walked out of a bar... I met a blonde with a brain... Kids are nice... Is there a Weed League?... Farts and flowers in the same sentence... I like Bill Gates... Lawyers have integrity... The lightbulb finally went on in Al Gore's head... Doctors don't fraternize with their nurses... Woman as president... Bill Clinton told the truth... Jeff Foxworthy in a suit... Priests involved with scandal admit what they did... Golf is not dull... Microsoft is better than Linux... Yo mamma is skinny, smart, and cleanly... People will like this joke... (I have included one for each category)

Courtney: Let's see who can stay up the longest tonight. Kaitlyn: I know! We'll pinch each other every ten minutes to make sure we don't fall asleep! Starting right NOW! Courtney: Hey, I'm not even tired! Kaitlyn: See, my plan is working!

What key opens no lock? A Turkey!

What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar? A love call.

The squirrel's eyes widened as he tried to move but froze when he realized........ He'd buried the wrong nuts!

I'm trying computer dating, at least I'm not getting dumped... but I do get deleted.

Two men are driving through New York when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?" The cop answers, "You're in New York son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here." The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side, and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir. "A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul. "White man sit on well.

Your momma so old she sat next to Jesus in the 3rd grade

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.