When Little Johnny got his exam paper back, he saw a big red F staring back at him. Billy looked at his glum friend and asked, "Why did you get such a low mark on that test?" "Because of absence," Johnny answered. "You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" Billy inquired. Little Johnny replied, "I wasn't, but the kid who sits next to me was."

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

I passed my ethics exam. Naturally, I cheated.

Willie was quite a boy to have round the house. Willie, at a passing gent, Threw a batch of fresh cement, Crying, "Wait until you dry. Then you'll be a real hard guy." ***** Little Willie, home from school, Where he'd learned the Golden Rule, Said, "If I eat all this cake, Sis won't have a stomach-ache." ***** Little Willie on his bike, Through the village took a hike. Mrs. Thompson blocked the walk. She will live, but still can't talk. ***** Little Willie lit a rocket, Which his dad had in his pocket, Next day he told Cousin Dan, "Daddy is a traveling man." ***** Little Willie in the best of sashes, Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes. By and by the room grew chilly, But no on

A T Rex named Farrell asked his mother if he could dress up in a tutu. His mother replied, "No! Boys don't wear tutus and dance on their tippie-toes!" Farrell yelled, "But mom!" and told his father. His father said, "Son, I'm a balerina and I dance in a tutu." Then the mother fainted and fell on the floor. So father and son danced around the unconscious mother in tutus. They had so much fun, and later had cookies and tea as a treat - and they used the mother as a table.

Sam Krypton was a boy who hated meatloaf, but he knew that every time he didn't eat it, he lost a chance for ice cream, his favorite thing to eat. So today, he decided to eat it, and try and forget about the taste. He ate it up, and said, "THIS MEATLOAF WAS DELICIOUS!" His mother was pleased, and gave him ice cream. The next week, his mother gave him a large serving of meatloaf, expecting him to eat it all up. Sam forgot about what he did last week. He was looking out the window - then, a moment later, he said, "Eww! What smells?"

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman, all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman said - "I walked into my daughter's room and saw a razor on the floor. I didn't know she was old enough to shave." The Irishman said - "That's nothing; I walked into my daughter's room and saw a tampax. I didn't know she was old enough to start her periods." The Scottsman said - "Well, I walked into her room and saw a condom lying on the floor - I didn't know she had grown a cock!"

I have a new baby cousin named Caroline. She has a big brother named Sam (he just turned 2) and 2 big sisters named Elena and Erica. Well, my aunt was away with her three daughters. It was just my uncle and Sam at home. My uncle and Sam were playing on the floor. My uncle had to fart, but he tried to let it out quietly, but it came out a little louder than he had expected. Then Sam perks up and says "Baby Caroline?"

DON'T CHEAT! Draw a pig. Yes, that's right. On a blank piece of paper, draw a pig, then scroll down and read the interpretation of your pig! Draw your pig first! And don't look at the next part until you are done! It won't be fun if you look first. Now if you're done...start to scroll down..... YOU'RE CHEATING! DRAW THE DAMN PIG!

A young woman, flying home after Christmas, asked the priest sitting beside her if he would help her. "I will assist you if I can; what seems to be the problem?" he asked. The young woman said, "I have a very expensive, top of the range hairdryer which my mother gave me for Christmas; it is still unopened, and well over the Customs allowance. Could you carry it through Customs for me, under your robes, perhaps?" The priest said, "All right, I will help you, but I must warn you, I cannot lie." At the Customs desk, an official asked the priest, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official pondered for a moment, an

If at first you don't succeed...work for Microsoft.

Billy Bob caught his friend Bubba searching high and low all around his living room. Billy Bob said, "What are you searching for?" Bubba replies, "Hidden cameras!" "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" says Billy Bob. Bubba said, "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why, every few minutes he says, 'You are watching MTV!' How does he know that?"