As the plane was flying low over hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?" "Just snow," replied the stewardess. "That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

Kid: Mom, can i get the hot lunch tomorrow? Mom: What are they serving? Kid: Swiss steak. Pleeeeeease? Mom: Okay! Okay! I didn't know you liked Swiss steak so much. Kid: Oh, yeah! It sticks to the ceiling WAY better than the lasagna.

Five policemen were on a boat. The boat sank. How many policemen died? 10 - five during the accident, and five during the re-enactment.

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I'll bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he answered as if he was offended, and left for the office. At 10:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1:00 p.m., a foil-wrapped, two-pound box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

One Christmas, a parent decided that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result, their grandmother did not receive acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given. However, things were different the following year. "The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly. "How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in their behavior?" "Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."

The teacher told her students they would start their day with the Pledge of Allegiance, instructing them to place their right hand over their heart and repeat after her. As she began to recite the Pledge, she looked around the room and noticed that Little Johnny hand his hand over the right cheek of his behind. "Little Johnny," she said, "we will not continue until you place your hand over your heart." "It is over my heart," Little Johnny replied innocently. She attempted to get Little Johnny to place his hand over his heart several times, all to no avail. Finally, frustrated, she asked, "What makes you think that's your heart?" "Well, whenever Grandma comes to visit," Johnny explained,

There was a man and a woman and they lived on a farm. They owned two horses, but they could not tell the difference between them! One day, the man painted a yellow stripe on the tail of one of the horses. When winter came, and the yellow had washed out from all the rain, the man and woman were left to stand there next to each other, staring at the horses. After two minutes of staring, the woman finally said, "I've got it! The black horse is taller than the white horse!"

If you are in darkness, then pray to God. If you are still in darkness, then go and pay your electricity bill......

What do you get when two blonds fight? A Stupid Fight.

A redhead, brunette and a blonde went to the doctor. As they sat in the waiting room, the redhead got bored and went to the small fishbowl in the middle of the room where a goldfish swam around happily. The redhead stared at the goldfish and the fish also stared back. After 1 minute, the redhead tilted her head to the left and the fish swam in that direction. She tilted her head to the right and the fish also swam to the right. The brunette saw this trick, was impressed and asked the redhead how she did it. "Easy", replied the redhead. "It's just mind over matter." So the brunette stared at the fish and the fish also stared back. After 3 minutes, the brunette tilted her head to the left

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and she would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought an identical dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not - I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they

A blonde named Megan decides to go out for a ride in her new convertible. While she's out driving she sees her best friend Christina, another blonde. She has a sign that reads "Vegas or Bust." "Why are you leaving?" asked Megan. "Some guy came up to me and told me to get out of town." "Come with me. We'll go find the guy that said this and find out what's up." Christina got in the car and they drove until Christina said she saw the guy who told her to leave town. As they approached him, he looked at Christina and said, "I remember you." She cowered behind Megan. "You forgot your flier." He handed her a flier that read "Get Outta Town! To Sunny Beach Resorts California!"