Popular Jokes
A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course."
There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining st
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked he
Blonde inventions:
Waterproof towel
Unbreakable egg
Submarine screen door
Solar powered flash light
Helicopter ejection seat
Inflatable dart board
Pedal powered wheel chairs
A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in.
"Son! If you masturbate too much, you're gonna go blind!"
"Dad," the boy said, "I'm over here."
An Engineering Major says "How does it work?"
A Science Major says "Why does it work?"
An Accounting Major says "How much will it cost?"
A Liberal Arts Major says "Do you want fries with that?"
Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hey, that's not funny! We're suing!
Q: How many Japanese does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Who needs lightbulbs with our technology?
Q: How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: We can't afford lightbulbs. The only thing I can afford is this old gym sock.
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed, and driving his partner nuts.
Finally, his exasperated partner said, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answered, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man. You don't stand a chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
15 Fun Things to do in Public Areas
------------------------------------------
(I actually did all of these)
1. Go up to random people and ask "How are you doing?" See what kind of conversation you can start.
(I met lots of new people this way)
2. Ask someone what another person's name is nearby. Go up to that person and say "Hey, *person's name*. How are you? You forgot my name, again, didn't you!?" (People normally look at me very confused with this one.)
3. Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help. (If they don't help, I yell out, "FINE! DON'T HELP ME THEN!")
4. Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down. See if they apologize. (This is hard
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach, "now go over there and explain it to your mother."
Home
