Popular Jokes
DEAR DIARY: DAY ONE
All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest dresses and make-up. Really excited.
DEAR DIARY: DAY TWO
Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today - seems a very nice man.
DEAR DIARY: DAY THREE
In the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
DEAR DIARY: DAY FOUR
Won $80 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. Told him I could not
Larry: Yo momma so old her birth certificate said expired!
Jerry: You know, at least I have a mom!
Jenny: How did the turtle cross the freeway?
Forrest: I don't know.
Jenny: Take the 'r' out of 'free'. Now, take the 'f' out of 'way'.
Forrest: There's no 'f' in way!
Father: "So you want to be my son-in-law, do you?"
Boyfriend: "Not particularly, but since I want to marry your daughter, I haven't much choice!"
Ok...so when I was little my parents would fight all the time. Is there any married couple in the world that doesn't do this? Anyways, my mom hated paper towels. She just did. Especially the half-sized ones. Apparently there was no point in wasting a paper towel when you could use a dish towel. Quite understandable.
My dad, on the other hand, felt differently. "Why use a dirty old dish rag when you can buy some decent paper towels and reuse them?"
Whenever I walked into the kitchen with the purpose of washing my hands, I would quickly scan the room and see who was there. If my dad was around, I would grab a paper towel. He would always give me that sincere yet smug smile and think that he h
What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
An egg!
Those Wonderful Church Bulletins.
The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
What's worse than a brunette building a fire under water?
A blonde trying to put it out.
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