Little four-year-old Jenny was looking at her new baby brother for the first time. He was fast asleep. After staring at her tiny, motionless baby brother for a few minutes, Jenny looked up at her mother and asked plaintively, "Didn't he come with batteries?"

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning. He got to thinking about things, and asked, "Mommy, why does Daddy have so little hair on his head?" "He thinks a lot, dear," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a such good answer to her husband's baldness. "Then why do you have so much hair?" asked Little Johnny.

A boy named John was moving away somewhere far from his the home he is already in. But he couldn't bring the loved kitten he found. So he decided to sneak it. He stuffed the cat in a cardboard box without any holes. Suddenly his mother came up. He quickly taped it shut and put it on the corner of his bed. "John, did I hear a cat meow?" "No mother." She left. So then John went "Whew!" and he sat on the opposite corner of the bed. It forced the box upwards and out the window. The cat popped out and had it hands up, like on a roller coaster, and the same with its feet. It stared right at John and made a quiet meow. It fell in the kiddie pool. John said, "Well no wonder they call it the Kitty

Paddy and his missus are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours. Suddenly, Paddy jumps out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this," and goes downstairs. Paddy finally comes back up to bed and his wife says, "The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?" Paddy says, "I've put their dog in our yard - now we'll see how THEY like it!"

You might be a redneck if... You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

You might be a redneck if... Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."

Yo momma is like the internet; she's worldwide.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Star Trek... The Lost Episode --------------------------------------------------------- Recent reports of a lost episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation have finally been confirmed. And now, for your reading pleasure, we are proud to present the entire transcript. Enjoy! --------------------------------------------------------- The crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise have encountered the Borg. Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathway?" Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century comp

Larry: Yo momma so old her birth certificate said expired! Jerry: You know, at least I have a mom!

Jenny: How did the turtle cross the freeway? Forrest: I don't know. Jenny: Take the 'r' out of 'free'. Now, take the 'f' out of 'way'. Forrest: There's no 'f' in way!

Father: "So you want to be my son-in-law, do you?" Boyfriend: "Not particularly, but since I want to marry your daughter, I haven't much choice!"