New York, NY Police across the nation are warning people who wear pagers to be on the lookout for the latest scam. According to police, pagers in several states have been beeped by a number displaying a 212 area code (New York) and the prefix 540. When the victims return the call, they are charged $55 on their phone bill. The call the respondent makes has been electronically linked into a 900 "pay-per-call" system which allows the charge to be added to the phone bill. "People will look at the number and say 'Gee, who is calling me from out of state? It must be important,'" said an investigator.

This man comes home feeling pretty frisky after partying with his buddies half the night. He walks into the bedroom where his wife is still waiting up for him. He takes off all of his clothes and says, "Baby, you are looking at 200 pounds of dynamite." His wife opens the window and yells, "Everybody run for your lives, there's 200 pounds of dynamite in my bedroom, and it only has a three inch fuse!"

Actual online ad: $10,000 06' Suzuki GSXR 1000 Farmington, UT 84025 - Aug 7, 2006 2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive) It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without the proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "do whatever the f*** you want" doesn't mean what I thought. Call Pete, (xxx)xxx-xxxx

"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other." "Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher. "But you only have two ears." "You see, sir? I'm no good at math, either."

Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop. One guy was thrown through the windshield and his buddy was knocked down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering; and the second with leaving the scene of an accident.

A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. His lawyer argued, "Your Honor, my client has been driving for over twenty-five years." "Your Honor," the plaintiff's lawyer retored, "if this case is going to be judged by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over fifty years!"

Chapstick is selling a new product in England. It is the regular Chapstick with Viagra added to the formula. Englishmen like it because it helps them keep a stiff upper lip.

The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths." The Pope thought it was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand, "Have we not," he asked, "a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel?" "None that plays golf very well," a cardinal said. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal, and then ask him to play Benjamin Netanyahu as you

"There is only one pretty child in the world and every parent has it." - Chinese Proverb. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes. The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

Little four-year-old Jenny was looking at her new baby brother for the first time. He was fast asleep. After staring at her tiny, motionless baby brother for a few minutes, Jenny looked up at her mother and asked plaintively, "Didn't he come with batteries?"

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

1. I am the Lord thy God and thou shalt have not too many other Gods besides me. 2. Thou shalt make no graven images. This is a major religion, not a shop class. 3. Thou shalt not take the name of thy God in vain without the express written consent of thy God. The name "Thy God" is the sole property of thy God. Any use of the name of thy God without the express writtenconsent of thy God is unauthorized and illegal and shall be punished by thy God. 4. Remember the Sabbath, thy squash game and thy other appointments. 5. Honor thy single parent. 6. Thou shalt not kill a man just to watch him die. 7. Thou shalt not commit adultery and then run for office. 8. Thou shalt not steal. (Note: N