Sign outside a Chinese restaurant: Try our curries, you'll never get better.

yo mama and daddy r so fat, half the world went to ur mom, the other to ur dad.

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?" "Sure," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get lonely in the night." "How about transportation? " the father asked. "I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised. Finally, in exasperation, the man asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're l

Ryan: Hey Philip, what's that on your leg? Philip: A shoe! Ryan: Gesundheit! Philip: No, you idiot, a shoe! Ryan: No need to thank me, gesundheit!

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Blonde: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? Blonde: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure. The answer is 6!!!

The discovery that Bush's resting heart rate is 43 has led some observers to speculate that this is the first time we've had a president with a heart rate that matches his IQ.

Meteorologists - People who tell something wrong and still get paid.

Team has no "I" in it, but it does have a "M" and "E" in it, making "me".

One professor says your IQ measures how much you know. A scientist says your IQ measures how much information you are capable of learning. All I want to know is how long it will take me to get with your sister. I mean DAMN!

Knock-Knock Who's there? Who's There. Who's there Who? I'm supposed to say Who's there!

JOHNNY : Hey billy, you like Fishsticks? BILLY : Yeah... JOHNNY : So, you put Fishsticks in your mouth? BILLY : Yeah why? JOHNNY : What are you Billy, a gay fish?

This is seriously strange. If you vote, don't vote because it offends you, just view it as sarcastic. If this being sarcastic offends you, view it as serious. I refuse to tell which way I think about it. If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, he feels that no one should have one. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a liberal is, he wants to ban all meat products for everyone. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good. If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, h