1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire. 2. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at. 3. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat. 4. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection. 5. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder. 6. Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you. 7. You are not Tom Cruise. 8. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way. 9. If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you. 10. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea. 11. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles. 12. Smart bombs have bad days too. 13. The best defense is to stay out of range. 14. If

Never trust google! why? follow the instruction below and you'll get what I mean Please do it right now and see the blunder made by google. 1. Open google 2. Click 'language tools' link. 3. Write "Linda's mom is very nice" in 'Translate text:' textbox. 4. Select "English to Spanish" in the below combo. 5. Press Translate and wait for translation. 6. Now copy the translated text from the above text and paste it in the 'Translate text:' textbox. 7. Select "Spanish to English" in the below combo. 8. Press Translate and wait for translation. 9. Enjoy. Copy paste below's URL to go to translator page of google: http://www.google.com/language_tools?hl=en

How many presidents does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll only promise change.

1) In Bettendorf, it is illegal for liquor stores to place advertisements for beer outside the store. 2)In Mount Vernon, a person first must obtain written permission from the City Council before throwing bricks into a highway.

Original Lyric Put your left foot in, Your left foot out, Your left foot in, And shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey, And turn yourself around That's what it's all about. Shakespearean Style. O proud left foot, that ventures quick within, Then soon upon a backward journey lithe. Anon, once more the gesture, then begin: Command sinistral pedestal to writhe. Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke; A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl. To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke. Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl. The Hoke, the poke - banish now thy doubt. Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

Bill Gates "Notes to self" * Next time my wife says to buy china, she means dishes. * When my son asks for a golf club for his birthday, he means a putter, not a golf course. * When my wife asks for diamonds, she wants ones that will fit on a necklace. * Don't forget to tip the valet who pushes around your cart at the grocery store. * If someone offers you a drink, don't ask when we're eating dinner. * When my daughter asks for an iPod, don't try to buy her the whole company.

A dozen, a gross, and a score Plus three times the square root of four Divided by seven Plus five times eleven Is nine squared and not a bit more.

When the body was first made all the parts of the body were fighting to see who would become the boss of the body. The fight for power was most intense between the limbs, the brain, and ..... the asshole. The limbs said they should be boss because they control the human, and without them the body was useless and couldnt move or do anything. The brain said it should be boss becauses it has to control the whole body and without the brain nothing in the body would function, neither the limbs or the asshole. The asshole said simply, "I'm the boss." The brain and limbs laughed at him. The asshole was so mad he closed up and the body became constipated. The brain couldnt think straight and be

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it." The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Louisian

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out, and I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but con

"Are you sure you don't want some Novocain?" asked the dentist. "I'm sure," replied the maharishi. "I wish to transcend dental medication."

Knock-knock Who's there Who Who who I don't know what the heck your talking about but good owl impression.