Popular Jokes
Cards That You Won't Find At Hallmark -
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy. . ."
"Thanks for being a part o
This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle," replies the inventor.
"A fottle? That's stupid! Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor...
"You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
Everything I Need to Know, I Learned in Corporate America.
1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
11. Anything worth fighting for is w
There was this guy in the mental institute who was taking his medicine that the nurse gave him.
The same nurse was walking past his room and saw him shaking very vigorously.
Intrigued, the nurse asked,"Dear patient, why are you shaking? Are you cold?"
Still shaking, the patient replied, "No, my dear nurse, the bottle of medicine you gave me said 'shake before drinking' but I forgot to shake!"
"Oh dear."
A gay couple (of guys) and a lesbian couple decide to leave from New York to Miami at the same time. The two couples are neighbors and they plan on driving the same route. so the question is who gets to Miami first?
Why the lesbians of course!
They go lickety split while the guys are still at home packin'.
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