The minister's car wouldn't start, so he called the garage. When the tow truck driver arrived, the minister says, "I hope you go easy on me. You know I'm only a poor preacher." "Yep," replied the tow truck driver, "I've heard you preach."

Yo momma is rated 'E' for everyone.

There were some kids playing hopscotch and they were allowed to skip so when the winner was on 8 it went straight to 10

What happens when a president gets elected in a year with a "0" at the end? 1840: William Henry Harrison (Died in Office) 1860: Abraham Lincoln (Assassinated) 1880: James A. Garfield (Assassinated) 1900: William McKinley (Assassinated) 1920: Warren G. Harding (Died in Office) 1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt (Died in Office) 1960: John F. Kennedy (Assassinated) 1980: Ronald Reagan (Survived assassination attempt) And to think that we had two guys duking it out in the courts to be the one elected in 2000!

How do you get 100 jews into a car? Throw a quarter in it. How do you get them out again? Tell them Hilter is driving.

Two five year-olds, one Jewish, the other Catholic, are playing in a sandpit. Sean says to David, "Our priest knows more about things than your rabbi!" To which David replies, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."

Here are some excuses... 1. My kids are locked outside. 2. My kids are locked inside. 3. My kids are stuck in the door. 4. I have to help my grandmother bake cookies. 5. I have to help my Aunt Flo in Omaha bake cookies - she's much better. Now and she wants to send thank-you cookies to everyone who came to see her when she thought she was dying. 6. The Water Department has to read my meter once a year and this was the only time they would come. 7. The gas company has to read my meter once a year and this was the only time they would come. 8. The water meter guy and the gas meter guy were both leaving cards on my door about me not being home, and they got into a fight about whose mete

How Many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb? 1:Let's go ride our bikes! 2:Hey look! A squirrel.

A foot. (leg-end)

Three hasidim are bragging about their Rebbes: "My rebbe is very powerful. He was walking once, and there was a big lake in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and there was lake on the right, lake on the left, but no lake in the middle." To which the second retorted, "That's nothing. My rebbe is even more powerful. He was walking once, and there was a huge mountain in his path. He waved his handkerchief, and there was mountain on the right, mountain on the left, but no mountain in the middle!" Said the third, "Ha! That is still nothing! My rebbe is the most powerful. He was walking once on Shabbos (Saturday, the holy day in Judaism, on which it is forbidden to handle money), and there was

During World War II, a sergeant gets a telephone call from a woman. "We would love it," she said, "if you could bring five of your soldiers over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner." "Certainly, ma'am," replied the sergeant. "Oh... just make sure they aren't Jews, of course," said the woman. "Will do," replied the sergeant. So that Thanksgiving while the woman is baking, the doorbell rings. She opens her door and, to her horror, five black soldiers are standing in front of her. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. "I'm afraid there's been a terrible mistake!" "No ma'am," said one of the soldiers. "Sergeant Rosenbloom never makes mistakes!"

Russian company: You have two cows. You drink some vodka and count them again. You have five cows. The Russian Mafia shows up and takes however many cows you have.