Popular Jokes
One afternoon, Tommy is driving down a highway to spend some time at a lake and relax. On his way to the lake, he spots a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway, gesturing for him to stop.
He rolls down his window and asks, "How can I help you?"
"I'm the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?" the guy in red says.
Smiling, Tommy hands the guy a sandwich and drives away. A few short minutes later, he comes across another guy. This guy is dressed completely in yellow, and he's standing on the side, motioning for him to stop.
Slightly annoyed, he stops, rolls down the window, and says, "What can I do for you?"
"I'm the yellow jerk of the highway.
How many Price Chopper employees does it take to wash a table?
Three; one to wash it and two to supervise.
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
One Sunday morning, a man attended the service at the local church. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that he stopped to shake his hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I have ever heard," the man said.
"Thank you, sir," the Reverend replied, "but I must ask that you not use profanity in the Lord's house."
"Sorry, Reverend, I just can't help myself," said the man, "that was just such a damn good sermon."
"Sir, please," replied the Reverend. "Again I ask you not to use profanity in church."
"Okay, Reverend," the man said. "I just want you to know that I thought it was so damn good that I put $5000 in the collection plate."
"No shit!" exclaimed the Reverend.
Why don't politicians ever consider being gynocologists?
They would have to deal with too much Bush every day!
Why is it dangerous to go in the jungle after 5 p.m?
Because elephants jump out of trees after 5 p.m.
Why do beavers have flat tails?
Because they go in the jungle after 5 p.m!
If Henry IV were cloned, would he be Henry V, or Henry IV Jr. or,
would he be Henry IV Part II?
(Willy Wagstaff, more usually known as William Shakespeare)
Bubba listened to the preacher at the revival and when the preacher asked those with needs to come forward for prayer, Bubba got in line.
When it was his turn, the preacher asked, "What do you want me to pray about?"
Bubba said, "Pray for my hearing, preacher."
The preacher put one hand over Bubba's ear and his other hand on top of Bubba's head and prayed a while. Then he removed his hands and asked, "Bubba, now how is your hearing?"
Bubba answered, "I don't know, preacher. It's next Wednesday at the Baton Rouge courthouse!"
DON'T CHEAT!
Draw a pig. Yes, that's right.
On a blank piece of paper, draw a pig, then scroll down and read the interpretation of your pig!
Draw your pig first! And don't look at the next part until you are done! It won't be fun if you look first.
Now if you're done...start to scroll down.....
YOU'RE CHEATING! DRAW THE DAMN PIG!
A Mexican jail guard died from an excess of zeal while supervising an inmate's conjugal visit. Raul Zarate Diaz was closely watching his charge from the roof of the prison when he tripped over an air vent, crashed through the skylight, and fell 23 feet to land beside the bed where the inmate and his wife were, against all odds, enjoying an intimate moment. The interrupted prisoner, offended by the intrusion, attempted to start a riot, but was squelched by prison security.
Prisoners in the Tapachula facility reported that Diaz was in the habit of prowling the prison roof during conjugal visits, in search of prisoners to supervise. Local law enforcement reported that the guard was clutching a
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