Popular Jokes
A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a blisteringly hot day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.
A rancher rode past.
"Say, friend," called out one of the men, "how far is it to the next town?"
"Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon," called back the rancher. Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.
"How far to the next town?" the men asked him eagerly.
"Oh, a good two miles."
A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher. "Hey, how far's the next town?"
"Not far," was the encouraging answer, "only about two miles."
"Well," sighed the opt
I always wondered why there are so many blond jokes,but no brunettes. I asked a brunette friend of mine.
"Why do you think there are no brunette jokes?" I asked her.
"Well,that's a given. Blonds are too stupid to make them up."
10) Hum or sing when ever possible.
9) Always chew with your mouth open.
8) Pretend to fly around the room.
7) Have fights with your imaginary friends.
6) At school, fall asleep in every class.
5) When people turn around, make faces.
4) Scream every 10 minutes.
3) Tell every one you have a twin and then pretend to be the twin.
2) Say, 'I don't know.' when you are asked a question, no matter what the question is.
1) Tap your pencil on every surface.
I love it when you go down on me... you relieve so much tension and stress... but when you're making me feel really good, you come back up...
Stupid gas prices...
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
To prove he was chicken!
Jr: This year I failed every class except biology.
Mary: How did you do that?
Jr: Easy, I didn't take biology
Yo momma is so fat, it takes 20 navy ships just to get her half way across the ocean, and they run out of gas. Then she farts and goes around the world 2 times.
Note: Most of these will only work in middle or high school.
1. When the bell rings, run out the classroom and when the hall is crowded, yell "MARCO!" See who answers.
2. If you're in biology doing a lab, drop some water into a beaker and then duck under your desk screaming "IT'S GONNA BLOW!" When everyone stares, just say "Oh, my mistake."
3. Run to your next class randomly pointing at different people. At the top of your lungs, scream "WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME? LEAVE ME ALONE!"
4. Randomly bust a dance move every now and then.
5. Write notes to classmates saying, "I need you for a top secret mission. Write back accepting or declining my request. This message will explode in ten second
Ethel and Bunty were getting just a little bored in the senior citizens' home, when Bunty had an idea. "I bet you $100 that you won't streak round the garden, Ethel."
"You have got a bet," replies Ethel, so she disrobes and sets off round the garden.
Tom and Bob were enjoying a relaxing time in the garden when Ethel went past.
Bob says, "Wasn't that Ethel that went by?"
Tom replies, "Yes, I do believe it was."
"What was she wearing then?"
"I don't know," said Tom, "but it surely needed ironing."
Yo momma's so stupid, when they said "Drinks are on the house!" She went and got a ladder.
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