What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville. Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11 Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermo

Yo momma so fat that when someone asked her for her weight, he replied with, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

Some people have friends who are dwarfs, not me I have a friend who is a midget dwarf. He is the guy who poses for the sport trophys

This is funny

Your momma's teeth are so yellow, that when she opened her mouth, a black guy said "nice grillz!" Your momma's so fat 'n hairy that when she went to the mueseum someone yelled "the mammoth's alive!" Your momma's so hairy that when she was on the set of king kong, the director said "I thought I only ordered 1 gorrila!" Your momma's so old and gassy that when she farted the dinasours became extinct! Your momma's so stupid that they invented the books for dummys just for her! Your momma's so skinny that god used her to clean his teeth! Your momma's so ugly that when she stepped out of her house, people ran away saying "I didn't know they were shooting a horror movie here!" Your momma's s

What do you call a one-legged lady? Eileen!

A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?" "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."

A Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class. NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Ivette - Banana Pie You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it. Russell - Turkey You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it. Geremy - Turkey You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you

Seven-year-old Timmy had been the center of his parents' lives up until the time his new baby sister came along. He found it very difficult to share their attention and was becoming more and more jealous. When his little sister was a year old, his parents took him aside and told him that since she was getting bigger, their house was too small, so they would be moving to a bigger house. "Why bother," Timmy grumbled, "She's crawling good now, so she'll probably just follow us."

A farmer and his friend were leaning on a fence chatting. Suddenly, the local Game Warden showed up and insisted on checking the farmer's property and, in particular, a certain field. The farmer refused to allow him access to the field but the Warden insisted he had the right, saying, "I'm the Game Warden and I have a card! This card allows me to go in." Before the farmer could stop him, the Warden was off into the field. Soon, a horrifying scream pierced the air and the Warden, being chased by a massive bull, reappeared running for his life. "Help, help!" he cried. The farmer shouted back, "Show him your card! Show him your card!"

A radical feminist gets on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. "Here we go again," she thinks to herself. "Yet another man attempting to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat. A minute passes and the man tries to get up again. She's insulted again and refuses to allow him to get up. This happens several times over the next few minutes. Finally, the man pleads, "Lady, please, you have to let me get up. I'm already a couple of miles past my stop!"