One day a couple of kids named "Poop", "Shut-Up", and "Manners" were on a bus. All of a sudden Poop falls out of the window! Manners jumps out of the bus to save him. So, Shut-Up runs to the bus driver to get some help. The bus driver asks him, "What's your name?!" "Shut-Up." At this point the bus driver is mad. He asks, "Where are your manners?!" Shut-Up replies, "Outside picking up Poop."

Q. How do you keep a blond from whistling while she is skydiving? A. Make sure she wears underwear.

You know you're a redneck if your bathroom towels are also your bathroom curtains.

Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Hey, that's not funny! We're suing! Q: How many Japanese does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Who needs lightbulbs with our technology? Q: How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: We can't afford lightbulbs. The only thing I can afford is this old gym sock.

What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers? 1. How much money do you have? 2. Where can you get more? 3. Do you have anything you can sell?

A. Nell Retentive A. Nell Soars A. Nellsechs A. Nellsex A. Nelprober A.S. Muncher Adolf Oliver Nipple Alotta Fagina Amanda D. P. Throat Amanda Faulk Amanda Huginkiss Amanda Hump Amanda Lick Amanda Mount Amanda Poker Ana Linjector Anita B. Jainow Anita B. Jaynow Anita Bath Anita Beejay Anita Dick Anita Dickinme Anita Dump Anita Handjob Anita Hanjaab Anita Hardcock Anita Hardcok Anita Head Anita Hoare Anita Hummer Anita Jackoff Anita Mandelay Anita Masingil Anita Naylor Anita Pussy Anita Semen Anita Wackoff Anita Woody Anita Wyderbox Annie Position Anya Neeze Barry McCociner Barry McDikkin Ben Derhover Ben Dover Ben Gurgen Hoffe Ben N. Syder Ben O. Verbich Ben R. Over Benoit B

An Engineering Major says "How does it work?" A Science Major says "Why does it work?" An Accounting Major says "How much will it cost?" A Liberal Arts Major says "Do you want fries with that?"

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me always, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. "Take a little more time and think of another wish

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president some day.) Name the four seasons. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. How is dew formed? The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. What is a planet? A body of earth surrounded by sky. What causes the tides in the oceans? The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no

2 women were playing golf. On the third hole there were 4 men in front of them but about 175 yards down the fairway. The first woman said, "I'll tee off, he is far enough away." She hit the drive of her life, like a shot straight down the farway. She screamed fore at the top of her lungs and as the men turned he was hit solidly. He was rolling on the ground in pain with his hands between his legs. She ran to him, apologizing and saying, "Let me help I am a physical therapist." He protested but she got him to put his hands at his side. She unzipped his pants and began massaging him. "How does that feel?" she asked. He said, "Great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

One dark night in hell, the Devil, bent upon his ultimate revenge, determined to become a computer programmer. Secretly he pored over main pages, Microsoft press releases, and hex dumps of the renowned SATAN program, until, satisfied that he was master of the unclean craft, he began to work his mischief. Lounging near the back gate to heaven, he remarked to Jesus that there were some things the Devil could do better than God. Perl programming, for instance. The Savior, knowing something was afoot, but unwilling to let the slight go unchallenged, suggested a programming contest to last from sunrise to sunset, to see who could solve the halting problem in the fewest lines of Perl code, w

Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language ... until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself. Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word,