A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he met a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, "Only caught one, eh?"

A man was sitting next to the Pope on a cross-country flight. The Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. He turned to the man and asked "Do you know a four-letter word for 'woman' that ends in U-N-T?" The man thought for a minute and said "Aunt." "Oh yes, of course," the Pope replied. "Do you have an eraser?"

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Your momma's so ugly, she's not bald, it's her hair running away from her face!

How do you tell a blondes been using your computer? There's whiteout on the screen

BOB- It's Friday the 13th. Do you have any superstitions? GEORGE- I think it's unlucky to have superstitions.

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women. He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either." She says, also not recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."

It was my first vacation out of my home country - I was going to Australia. It was also going to be my first time on a plane, so I got a nice, large, purple bag with one of the long, pull-out handles and wheels on the bottom so you can pull it around. It was a new experience for me! But, when I got to Australia, I watched the carousel go around and I saw nothing but the long handle. I even checked the sticker, and it was from my bag. I was furious. I walked up to a woman who worked at the airport and said, "Explain this to me!" She looked at the handle. "Are you sure that's your bag?" she replied. "Yes!" I cried, "but I'm missing most of it!" "Well, did you leave it unattended at some point

Did you hear the one about the Polish wolf? He chewed off three legs and was still caught in the trap.

In the first book of the Bible, Guinness's, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to humour thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? time to get a new fence!

Once upon a time, there was a small family, with a little boy named Harry. They had just moved into a new home. It was tall, creaky, and just the place you would expect to be haunted. But, Harry did not believe in ghosts, or mummies, or witches or any of that stuff. One day, his parents had to go to the store. They said,"Harry, if you need anything, just call us, or your neighbors." He replied,"I'll be fine." So they left, and Harry was alone. He went to his room, and started to read a book. But, he was interrupted by a little *raprap*. He went downstairs to see if someone was knocking on the door. There was no one there. He heard it again! *raprap* He went back to his room. He heard it a