Did you hear about the inexperienced terrorist who tried to blow up a bus? He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down? If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not? Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn't they be more specific and say "employees of THIS place only"? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway, aren't they? Did you know there is a page 666 in The Bible? If you could walk through the walls, wouldn't you fall through the floor? What does the T in T-Shirt really mean? Do bir

Yo Momma so dumb, she was killed in a pie eating contest when the cow sat on her!

What did the tornado say to the pecan tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is not your average blow job!" What has four hands and eats aunts? Two uncles. What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey? Usually an onion with long ears, but sometime you get a piece of ass that will make your eyes water.

A young girl had just begun to go to a new Christian church group. She had been going for a couple of weeks now, and at one session their leaders were talking about when they found Jesus in their lives. One of her leaders had started saying: "When I was your age, I had just gotten Jesus in my life." She replied, "Well, how long has it been that you have had Jesus in your life?" He replied, "35 years of my life." Then she said,"God Damn, that's a long time"

What is a cat's favorite part of the computer? The mouse!

Yo mama's so fat, she jumped on the arch and made it into the MacDonald's M.

Yo momma so dumb she got hit by a parked car!

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says, "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says, "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the inte

A blond goes into a pizza shop for a snack. She orders, "May I have a veggie pizza slice with all the works?" The worker says, "That would be our combo pizza." The blond says, "No, thanks. I'll stay with the veggie slice."

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong, And doesn't mind admitting when he's wrong, One who thinks before he speaks, When he promises to call, he won't wait two weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash he won't be annoyed & opens my door & begs to do more Oh, send me a man who will make love to my mind, knows just what to say when I ask, "How Big is My Behind!?!" One who will kiss me till my body's twitchin', In the hall, the shower, the garden and the kitchen. I pray this man will love me no end, and never attempts to date my best friend. And, as I kneel and pray by my bed ... I l

Q.) How does a blonde make a stainless ink pen? A.) She doesn't put ink in it.