In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

So there was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they were running from the police but all they could find was a barn. They were in a hurry to hide so the brunette hid in the horse's stable, the redhead hid in a tree, and the blonde hid behind a few boxes of oranges. When the policemen came to the barn, they went to the horses stable and the policeman heard something. "Wait!" he said. "I hear breathing!" But the brunette went, "Neigh! Neigh!" "Oh, it's just a horse," the policeman said. Then he walked around and came upon a tree and heard breathing. "Stop!" he said. "I hear breathing in the tree!" "Caww! Caww!" went the redhead. "Oh,it's just a bird," said the policeman. Next, the pol

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge was delighted. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court. Now please sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."

A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS: "I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."

...you carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

One day, a blond put an advert in the library to start a marching band. 20 other blonds saw this advert and signed up. At their first destination they played "Oh, when the saints". At their second destination they played the same song. At their third destination they played the same song yet again! When they arrived at their fourth destination a member of the crowd butted in and kicked one of the drummers. The blond that started the group said, "Why did you do that?" The guy replied "Well, you've killed all of the people in the world because your band is rubbish but loud, so pretty much all the people are saints and they're marching into heaven, so stop playing!" The blond replied "We wer

"What would you like to have; fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or coffee?" "Tea, please." "Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?" "Ceylon tea." "How would you like it? Black or white?" "White." "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?" "With milk, please." "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk?" "With cow milk, please." "Milk from Friesland cow or African cow?" "Um, I'll take it black." "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?" "With sugar, please." "Beet sugar or cane sugar?" "Cane sugar, please." "White, brown or yellow sugar?" "Forget about tea, just give me a glass of water instead." "Mineral water or still water?" "Mineral w

What is represented by this? WOWOLFOL Wolf in sheep's clothing (wool)!

Woman: I did something special today. Man: What? Woman: I rode on a hippo. Man: Surely you musn't be kidding. Woman: Yes I'm not kidding and don't call me Shirley.

Have you heard about the Jewish sports car? It stops on a dime, then picks it up

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto. Pluto because it's no longer a planet.