Amy: Yesterday I saw a man in the mall with very long arms. Every time he went up the stairs he would step on them. Bob: Wow... He stepped on his arms? Amy: No. On the STAIRS!

Mom: How did you do on your history test? Kid: Not good. Mom: Why? Kid: They asked me things that happened before I was born!

Yo mama is so stupid, on Halloween she looked ouside the window and said, "Oh, no!" and called the Ghost Busters.

3 guys are driving down the road and realize that they all have to use the bathroom very badly. They come around a corner and see a sign "Green Gables next right". So thye take the right turn and come up to Green Gables, they all jump out of the car and run insode to see if they can use the washroom. They are greeted by a nice old lady who says sure they can use the washroom. The first guy runs up stairs and sits on the toilet and immediatley notices a hole in the floor at his feet with a table under it. All of a sudden he hears "Hey Hey I'm the ghost of Green Gables lay your money on the tables." He grabs all his money and throws it down the hole and runs back down stairs. When he ge

Yo momma so fat, they took her x-ray and a picture of a McDonald's showed up on the screen.

After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer. Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items. "Well, what do you think?" his wife asked smiling. "Next time," he replied. "I'm writing to General Motors!"

Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage. They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home. The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.

Yo mama is so poor Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention! Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush! Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers! Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!" Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway. Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk. Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp. Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfie. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night, they would each get to choose the method by which they would die. Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged, so he chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened, so they set him free. The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and didn't want to be

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better." Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52, however, continued its flight, straight and level. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "I'm waiting, what are you going to do?" "We just shut down two engines."

What did the bald man say when he was given a comb for his birthday? "Oh, thank you! I'll never part with it!"