Popular Jokes
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.
Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
Little Johnny had the flu and wasn't able to attend the Palm Sunday church service with his family.
When they returned home from the service, they were carrying palm branches. "What are those?" Little Johnny asked his mother.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his mother explained.
"Well, doesn't that just figure," grumbled Little Johnny. "The one Sunday I can't go to church, and Jesus shows up!"
A blonde was walking down the road when she saw a beautiful looking lamp, so she picked it up. She rubbed it and a magic genie came out. "You may have any three objects in the world, oh mighty mistress," said the genie. The blonde replied, "I wish I had an endless glass of wine."
Suddenly a big, crystal glass filled with wine appeared in the blonde's hand. She drank it and to her surprise, it filled up again! "Wow! This wine is really nice, and it can't run out!" the blonde said. "In fact, it's so good, I'll have another two of these, please, genie!"
The teacher told her students they would start their day with the Pledge of Allegiance, instructing them to place their right hand over their heart and repeat after her.
As she began to recite the Pledge, she looked around the room and noticed that Little Johnny hand his hand over the right cheek of his behind.
"Little Johnny," she said, "we will not continue until you place your hand over your heart."
"It is over my heart," Little Johnny replied innocently.
She attempted to get Little Johnny to place his hand over his heart several times, all to no avail. Finally, frustrated, she asked, "What makes you think that's your heart?"
"Well, whenever Grandma comes to visit," Johnny explained,
A Blonde asks a woman, "Excuse me, what time is it right now?" The woman replies, "It's 11:25PM."
The Blonde with a confused look on her face replies, "You know, it's the weirdest thing. I've asked that question thirty times today and every time someone gives me a different answer."
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
An American, wearing Bermuda shorts, T-shirt, and a baseball cap, walks into a café, chewing on gum. He sits next to this French guy who is trying to enjoy his
breakfast and is not in the mood for small talk.
The American, aware of the Frenchman's mood, tries to be smart. He sees the man eating a roll with jelly and decides to remark on that.
"You French people eat the entire roll of bread?!" he says in an astonished tone.
"Yes," replies the Frenchman and resumes eating.
"Not us," says the American. "We only eat the inside and then throw the crust in a container, process it and sell it to the French as croissants."
The Frenchman calmly ignores him and continues to eat.
"Eww..." says the
Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy.
Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"
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