Popular Jokes
(I am shelving DVDs in a library when a man comes in with a boy who appears to be autistic. The boy sees a movie about Thanksgiving.)
Boy: "Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving! I'm thankful... I'm thankful for... I'm thankful for my friends at school!"
Caretaker: "You're thankful for your friends at school?"
Boy: "Yeah! Yeah and... and... what are you thankful for? Are you thankful for your friends?"
Caretaker: *no response*
Boy: "Are you thankful for me?"
Caretaker: "I'm thankful for you, kid. I'm more thankful for you than all my friends in the world."
Boy: *smiles*
Bad news: A man fell out of an airplane
Good news: He had a parachute
Bad news: The parachute didn't work
Good news: There was a haystack beneath him
Bad news: There was a pitchfork in the haystack
Good news: He missed the pitchfork
Bad news: He missed the haystack
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were invited to a party.
On the way, the dumb blonde's car broke down. The smart blonde missed the bus. Two of Santa Claus' reindeer ran away.
Who got to the party first?
The dumb blonde, because the other two don't exist!
A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''
The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
Keep scrolling down!
Not far now!
Keep going!
Solve this problem while you wait for the answer to pop up.
6!
Not enough? Solve this!
(Pi)!
The answer will pop up shortly...
Whoops, there was a mistake. Go back to the 2nd line.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up. Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell the wife?" They draw straws. Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me." Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door.
The wife answers and asks what he wants.
Goldberg declares, "Your husband just los
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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in t
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