Father: "So you want to be my son-in-law, do you?" Boyfriend: "Not particularly, but since I want to marry your daughter, I haven't much choice!"

Knock knock. Who's there? Guess. Guess who? What, I don't know.

As a senior at Xxxxxx State University in Mixxxxxxx, I often engage women psychology majors in heated discussions about male-female relationships. Once, my friend Shelly and I got into a hot debate about whether men or women make the larger sacrifice of their respective gender characteristics when they get married. To my surprise, Shelly agreed with me that men give up far more than women. "You're right, Steve," she said. "Men generally give up doing their cleaning, their cooking, their grocery shopping, their laundry . . ."

The "bishop" came to our church today The was a fucken impostor He never once moved diagonally

Me and my friend were IMing and it was like this... Me:BRB Him: kake Me:heh Him:I LIKE KAKE Me:i like 3.1415926535 Him:Pi >:0

Post-Soviet Russia. Rabinovich calls the Pamyat headquarters: "Is it true that we Jews sold out Mother Russia?" In return he hears an affirmation accompanied by antisemitic slurs. "Oh good. So where can I get my share?"

When Yeltsin resigned from the Communist Party at the 28th Party Congress, people used to say that "Yeltsin is out of mind,... honour, and conscience of our epoch". (A hint at a widespread propaganda slogan: "Party is Mind, Honour and Conscience of our Epoch")

God said "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said "Say please."

they says theres safety in numbers? tell that to six million jews!

Why did the Japanese steal the Diaoyu Islands? Because they don't have enough room for their funny farms!

Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle. Yo mama has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses. Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it. Yo mama has one hand and a Clapper. Yo mama has green hair and thinks she's a tree. Yo mama has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying. Yo mama has 10 fingers--all on the same hand. Yo mama has a glass eye with a fish in it. Yo mama has a short leg and walks in circles. Yo mama has a short arm and can't applaude. Yo mama has so many freckles she looks like a hamburger! Yo mama has three fingers and a banjo. Yo mama has a wooden leg with a kickstand on it. Yo mama has a bald head with a part and sideburns. Yo mama has a

Yo mama's so old her social security number is 1! Yo mama's so old she flicked the switch when god said let there be light! Yo mama's so old that when she was in school there was nohistory class! Yo mama's so old she's in Jesus's yearbook! Yo mama's so old her birth certificate says expired on it! Yo mama's so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince! Yo mama's so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper! Yo mama's so old she ran track with dinosaurs! Yo mama's so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals! Yo mama's so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook! Yo mama's so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade! Yo mama's so stupid when she saw the under 17 not a