Popular Jokes
The landlady asked me if I minded making my own bed. I said I didn't and she said great there's a hammer and nails in the corner.
Ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for?
Well, that's probably how dogs spend most of their lives...
A man's wife was in labor with their first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly the man's wife began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't wouldn't, didn't, can't!!"
The man said,"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?!"
The doctor replied, "Nothing. She's just having contractions."
1 What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
2 What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
She peed on her corn flakes.
3 What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.
4 Did you hear about the stupid blonde?
She got hit by a parked car.
5 Why can't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calculator?
Because she can't find the 10
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5... 1 to try and fail, 3 to stand around and pretend to be musicians, and 1 to actually do it right.
How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3... 1 to do it, and 2 to say they can do it better.
How many tuba players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2... 1 to crush the lightbulb, and the other to fight about it.
One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" her husband shouted.
"I can't find it anywhere!" she cried, searching through the box.
"Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual is burnt to a crisp."
A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How's that?"
"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."
A guy goes in an adult book store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"
Customer says, "Female."
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White."
Counter guy asks, "Radical Christian or Muslim Extremist?"
Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "The Muslim Extremist blows itself up."
One day a man is up on his soap box telling blonde jokes. A large crowd has gathered around him and are laughing hysterically at every line, most of which he probably took off of this website. A blonde walks up to him and starts yelling at him, "You know, not all blondes are as dumb as you make us out to be."
Taken aback by this he says, "Fine. If you can answer three questions, I'll pack it up and never tell another blonde joke." She agrees and he starts the questioning.
"Ok, I'll give you an easy one first. What are the colors of the flag of the United States of America?"
"That's easy," she replies, "Red, white, and blue."
"Not bad, I've had some blondes screw that one up. OK, next ques
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