Popular Jokes
My boyfriend was working in the souvenir shop at the Canterbury Cathedral in Kent, England. One afternoon he was talking with an attendant who worked in the cathedral when they were approached by two tourists. "Are you a monk?" one of the women asked. "No," the attendant explained, "I wear this robe as part of my job, but I'm not a member of any religious order." "Then where are the monks?" asked the woman. The man replied, "Oh, there haven't been any monks here since 1415." Hearing this, the woman looked at her watch and announced to her friend, "Betty, we missed the monks."
The social studies teacher had just completed a lesson on war and peace.
"How many of you," the teacher asked, "would say you're opposed to war?"
Not surprisingly, every student in the class raised their hand.
"Who would like to give us their reason for being opposed to war?" asked the teacher. Little Johnny, sitting at the back of the class, immediately raised his hand.
"Johnny, what is your reason?" the teacher asked.
"I hate wars," explained Johnny, "because wars make history, and I hate History!"
Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like.
On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.
People who want to inform you of their religious views almost never want to hear yours.
Four gay guys walk into a gay bar and they find a problem. There's only one stool left.
One guy says "Lets flip for it"
But another says "No, Lets flip it over"
Two businessmen were taking a break while setting up their soon-to-open store's shelving units. There they sat, in the middle of nothing but empty shelves. One said, "I bet any minute now some smart aleck will stick his head in the door and ask what we're selling."
Within minutes, a man did just that, "Hey, boys, whacha sellin'?" One businessmen responded sarcastically, "We're selling assholes."
Without missing a beat, the man rejoined, "Looks like business is good; ya only got two left!"
Fill in the blank:
The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing _________.
Yesterday.
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him.
The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, "Boy, are you in trouble! I'm a lawyer!"
The driver looked out his window and said, "No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge."
A Blonde walks into an electronic store. A saleswoman goes up to him and introduces a washing machine.
Saleswoman: Sir, this machine in gurantee to do half of all your laundry.
Blonde: That's nice, I'll take two.
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