Popular Jokes
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken.Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.
Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.
"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"
The inmate thought. "Actually,
What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an octopus? I don't know, but it sure can pick tomatoes!
What's black, has white eyes and knocks on glass? A black in a microwave.
Why don't blacks like blow jobs? They don't like any job.
What do you call two Vietnamese in a TransAm? The gooks of hazard.
Did you hear about the polish Lesbian? She LOVED men.
Why are Jewish men circumcised? Jewish women don't buy anything unless it's 20% off!
What's the only food that ruins your sex life? Wedding cake.
What do you call a Filipino contortionist? A Manila folder.
How do you make a black man nervous? Take him to an auction.
Did you hear about the two Mexicans who appeared on "That's
Starting from bottom to top, a short explanation of each body parts uses
1. Toe-Object used for balance(do blondes and drunks have toes? Food for thought)
2. Foot-Place in mouth after saying something stupid
3. Shin-Object used for finding furniture in the dark.
4. Pelvic area-pretty self explanatory
5. stomache- stom ACHE... coincidence? I think not.
6. Chest-What I like to talk to.
7.Fingers-Keep away from car doors.
9.Hands...
10. Elbow-I learned to dance after hitting this
11. Shoulder- Common site of burns.
12. Mouth- Place foot here(or other objects)
13. Brain- If you have one you noticed there is no eight.
14.1/2 brain-If you check for it.
Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, "How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?"
Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him a bill for $200.
Clinton gasped, "You took too long, it doesn't look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!"
Christophe replied, "That makes us even."
I did not kill my lovely wife,
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head,
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night,
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.
When I came home I had a gash,
My hand was cut from broken glass,
I cut my hand on broken glass,
A broken glass did cause that gash.
I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride;
Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?
I did not do it with a knife,
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime,
I could not, would not any time.
Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop th
The Hodja (teacher) was selling olives at the market and business was slow. He called to a woman who was passing by and tried to entice her. She shook her head and told him she didn't have any money with her."No problem," the Hodja grinned. "You can pay me later." She still looked hesitant, so he offered her one to taste.
"Oh no, I can't, I'm fasting," she responded.
"Fasting? But Ramadan was 6 months ago!"
"Yes, well, I missed a day and I'm making it up now. Go ahead and give me a kilo of the black olives."
"Forget it!" shouted the Hodja. "If it took you 6 months to pay back a debt you owed ALLAH, who knows when you'll get around to paying me!"
A young blonde stock broker was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint job. An empty check stub later, and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?
At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car coasted to a stop. She got o
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