Yo mama's so old her social security number is 1! Yo mama's so old she flicked the switch when god said let there be light! Yo mama's so old that when she was in school there was nohistory class! Yo mama's so old she's in Jesus's yearbook! Yo mama's so old her birth certificate says expired on it! Yo mama's so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince! Yo mama's so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper! Yo mama's so old she ran track with dinosaurs! Yo mama's so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals! Yo mama's so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook! Yo mama's so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade! Yo mama's so stupid when she saw the under 17 not a

Justin Beiber doesn't need mic to sing , no one needs mic for lip-syncing . Q: Why did the Chicken cross the Road? A:To get away from Justin Bieber!!! JUSTIN: mom i think i finally hit puberty MOM: really? how do u know? JUSTIN: I'm bleeding from my vagina. Stop making fun of him. Every time you make fun of him, you're making fun of someone's daughter. Instead of saying when pigs fly say when justin beiber hits pueberty. According to E! , Justin Bieber and Usher is in relationship and was found on late night dating. They will marry once Justin turns 18. "Justin Bieber Finally hit the Puberty" was the biggest April Fool Joke of the Year . 13yrs old Girl got detention for misspelling "B

One day Jenny's parents decided to go out to eat and see a movie. They tell her not to have anyone over. So her parents leave. About 15 minutes later she hears the doorbell ring. "Oh my boyfriend is here." She opens the door to bring him upstairs to do some stuff. About an hour later the doorbell rings and she says, "Shit my second boyfriend is here!" So she stuffs her first boyfriend into a closet full of bones. She opens the door and brings her second boyfriend upstairs to do some stuff. About an hour later the doorbell rings again and she says, "Shit my third boyfriend is here!" So she stuffs her second boyfriend into a closet of feathers. She opens the door and brings her third boyfriend

Teacher: Billy, tell me the periodic for water. Billy:Okay. H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: What makes you say that? Billy: You said it was H to O.

Chucky wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks ... but nothing happened. Chucky decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president. The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Chucky a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. When Chucky received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don't do that because, as usual,

For all you Blonde ladies out there. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them

A blonde was getting tired of all the blonde jokes, and being treated as if she were stupid so one day, she decided to dye her hair and become a brunette. She then went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the shepard over. "That's a nice flock of sheep." she said. "Well thank you." said the herder. "Tell you what, I have a proposition for you." said the ex-blonde. "Okay," replied the herder. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" asked the woman. "Sure," said the sheep herder. So the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382." "Wow," said the herder. "That is exact

How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste!

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms Eye Drops Off Shelf Teachers' Strike Idles Kids Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe Plane too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told Miners Refuse to Work After Death Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Stolen Painting Found by Tree Killer Sentenced to Die For Second Time in 10 Years Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One War Dims Hope for Peace If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, it May Last a While Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Red Tape Holds up New Bridge Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas In Spacecraft Kids Make Nutri

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake!"

A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waite

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her, after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now", she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said, in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I he