When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for man kind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he reentered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American Space Programs. Over the years many people questioned Mr. Armstrong as to what the "Good Luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Mr. Armstrong always just smiled

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. "It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street. He'd been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute." "What did you do?" asks the bartender. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

I am sure most people have heard of or watched the popular show the Ozbournes and still more people have Heard Ozzy sing. My question is how can Ozzy sing if he can't talk???

A man walks into a men's outfitters and grumpily asks to see the cheapest suit in the shop. The horrified snooty sales assistant immediately fetched a full length mirror and placed it in front of him.

Ethel and Bunty were getting just a little bored in the senior citizens' home, when Bunty had an idea. "I bet you $100 that you won't streak round the garden, Ethel." "You have got a bet," replies Ethel, so she disrobes and sets off round the garden. Tom and Bob were enjoying a relaxing time in the garden when Ethel went past. Bob says, "Wasn't that Ethel that went by?" Tom replies, "Yes, I do believe it was." "What was she wearing then?" "I don't know," said Tom, "but it surely needed ironing."

I had a part in the local repertory company's Shakespeare week, and was allocated the dressing room that was next to the large room shared by three of the actresses. One day, a friend of mine was visiting me when he drew my attention to the fact that there was a small hole in the dividing wall. "You can see right through into next door!" he exclaimed. "Ah, let 'em look," I said.

Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes? A: Peroxide. Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping? A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? A: One drunk Irishman

Using proper punctuation, grammar, and spacing is highly recommended because it makes your jokes readable and understandable. If people are having a hard time understanding your jokes, they will be rated poorly and your score will suffer because of it.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . . It wasn't doing what I was doing. I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said, "pet supplies." So I did. One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95. I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again. I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. I was once arrested for walking in someone else's sleep. My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Josh was never the most gifted child, but for this he couldn't really be blamed. His mother, Maria, was no better than him. However, the singular talent that he possessed was an odd one: He could memorize everything he ate. His mother didn't see this as satisfactory, but she decided to put his talent to good use; how you ask? Simply by writing, "Brilliant! Be brilliant!" on his lunch bag!