Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was caught buttering up his teacher

You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms. You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can't explain in the simplest terms what they do. You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance: (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor. (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention. You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym. You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards. The process becomes more important than the product. You don't see anythi

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

My friend's husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household chores. One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet, that read: "Martha Stewart doesn't live here." The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper. The note read, "Neither does Bob Vila."

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it, but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him. He dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin, as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast, but the bear was just a little faster, and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"

Yo momma is so fat, she stepped on a peanut and she made peanut butter.

Here are two pick up lines: "Are you a Abercrombie model? Your not?!?!? You so should be!!" or "My friend (insert friend name here) thinks we should go out. Wanna?"

Why is a circle so hot???? Because it's 360 degrees!!!

Yo Momma's so fat they show IMAX movies on her butt!

Yo momma is so fat, she joined MySpace and there was no room for anyone else. Yo momma is so fat, she tried uploading her picture to a computer, but the C: Drive filled up.

What kind of triangle is never wrong??? A right triangle!!!!!!!

Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the middle ages as the dark ages? Betty: Because they had so many knights.