A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what is your third question?"

A Unitarian Universalist walks into a fabric store and asks the clerk for nine yards of material. The clerk asks, "What are you going to make?" The UU says, "I'm making a nightgown for myself as a present for my husband." The clerk says, "But nine yards is way too much material for a nightgown." The UU says, "I know, but my husband would rather seek than find."

A bloke and his wife went to a family planning clinic. "We've been married for ten years and we've got no kids", said the husband. "And the next-door neighbors say it's because we're stupid." "Nonsense," smiled the doctor. "It's probably to do with your diet. Or it might be a question of timing. How many times a week do you do it?" "Do what?" asked the wife.

Jason showed his buddy the beautiful diamond ring he had bought his girlfriend for her birthday. "I thought she wanted a four-wheel-drive vehicle," ventured his friend. "She did," Jason said. "But where am I going to find a fake Jeep?"

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. 3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? 4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. 5. Do I look like a people person? 6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 7. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 8. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose. 9. Bottomless pit of needs & wants. 10. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes. 11. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. 12. Does your train of thought have a caboose? 13. Let me show you how the guards used to do it. 14

As far as we Americans know, Osama Bin Laden could, quite possibly, be right here in New York, posing as a cab driver, and we'd never know.

Q) What does a blond say when she comes out of a lesbian bar? A) Wow, those people sure were friendly!

What did the Chinese people call their retarded son? Sum Ting Wong

A young man from Peking and a first generation Chinese American woman get married. On the wedding night he climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring, saying, "My darling, I know this is your first time and you must be frightened." She says that is true but she will do anything he wants. The groom says "Let's start with 69." And she says, "You want broccoli with beef?"

The King sent for his wise men all To find a rhyme for W. When they had thought for a time, But could not think of a single rhyme, "I'm sorry," he said," To trouble you."

From a brunette's point of view: Blondes may have more fun but hey, at least we can read!

HORSE RACE Line up: In lane 1. Passionate Lady In lane 2. Bare Belly In lane 3. Silk Panties In lane 4. Conscience In lane 5. Jockey Shorts In lane 6. Clean Sheets In lane 7. Thighs In lane 8. Big Dick In lane 9. Heavy Bosom In lane 10. Merry Cherry AND THEY'RE OFF!!! Conscience is left behind at the gate. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Dick is knocking on the door. AT THE HALFWAY MARK: It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick is moving in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific