I failed my driver's test. The guy asked me "What do you do at a red light?" I said, "I don't know... look around, listen to the radio...

Ghost Poopie The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet. Clean Poopie The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. Wet Poopie The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a stain. Second Wave Poopie The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more. Turtle Poopie The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finally comes out Pop-a-Ve

Dear God, The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry land, you fool". But he was smart, he stuck with You. That's what I would do. – Eddie Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are God already. – Charles Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool! – Eugene Dear God, In Sunday School they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? – Jane Dear God, I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Allison Dear God, Are you really invisible or is that a trick? – Lucy

Yo momma so fat she sank Atlantis!

1/20/09: End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet? George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight America: One Nation, Under Surveillance They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It Whose God Do You Kill For? Cheney/Satan '08 Jail to the Chief No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq? Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap Bad President! No Banana. We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language We're Making Enemies Faster Than We C

A little boy walks into his parents' room and sees his parents having sex. "And you smack me for sucking on my thumb, Mommy?!?", the boy exclaims. A little boy asks his mom where babies come from. "Well from the stork," Mom replies. "So then who fucks the stork?", The kid asks.

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience. The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" The man said, "I was looking for my father."

Nine cats were on a boat. One jumped off. How many were left? None. They were all copy-cats!

Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offering, so the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did. The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can't hear you." The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would a

Little four-year-old Jenny was looking at her new baby brother for the first time. He was fast asleep. After staring at her tiny, motionless baby brother for a few minutes, Jenny looked up at her mother and asked plaintively, "Didn't he come with batteries?"

Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is asked to make a statement. "Okay, Phillips," says the investigator, "you were near the scene - what happened?" "Well, it's like this. Old Fred Wilson was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up." "He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror, "How long had he been with the company?" "About 20 years, sir." "Twenty years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room! I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done." "It was, sir."