"You know that the world is going crazy when: the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'." -Chris Rock

Your Mom's so old that she was alive when the Raiders had both eyes.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.

Yo Momma so fat, when she fell on the ground, I tried not to laugh, but the ground was cracking up!

Two friends were out shooting birds. A bird flew from behind a tree and quick as a flash one man shot it. It uttered a squawk, folded its wings and fell to the ground. The other man turned to him and said: " You didn't need to shoot that bird. The fall would have killed it."

Confucius asks: "If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?"

A man was buying a horse and was given a few simple instructions. To make the horse walk, he would say "few." To make the horse run, he would say "many." To make the horse stop he would say "amen." On the man's first ride all was going well. "few!" the man shouted and the horse began to walk. "many!" the man shouted and the horse began to run. But the man had forgotten the word to make the horse stop as it ran towards the edge of a cliff. The man shouted in terror "Lord! Please save me! Amen!" And of course the horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff-face. The man then mopped his brow and said "Phew! that was clo- AAAAARRRRGHHH!!"

Wife: Will you love me when I'm old and ugly? Husband: Darling, of course I do...

Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk. What do you call a bright, sunny day that comes after two cold, cloudy days? Monday. A snake slithers into a bar. The barman says, "I can't serve you, you obviously can't hold your drink." Which side of a chicken has the most feathers? The outside. Two parrots on a perch. One says, "Do you smell fish?" An eel slithers into a bar. The barman says, "I can't serve you, you're legless."

What is the fastest way to double your money? By folding it in half

The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have a hutch back of Notre Dame.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side! ************************************************************ Q: Why did the punk rock star cross the road? A: Because he was stapled to the chicken!