Q. Who likes to make dinner for Peter Pan? A. Captain Cook!

What is a kangaroo's favorite restaurant? IHOP!

Once I like bought a fox and I like named him Jorge and like he died and I cried so I bought shoes.

For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels. The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. They didn't even come close. Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota. Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one; one bad-ass, that is. TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion. After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history. Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards. "Let the Bodie

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"

Yo momma is so uncoordinated she couldn't hit water if she fell out of a boat.

Yo Momma's just like a bus. They're big, smelly, and you can ride it for a buck.

Q - Why do women have nipples? A - Because, if they didn't, boobs would be pointless

Knock Knock! Who's there? A chu. A chu who? Bless you!

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops. Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card. "One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'" People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norri

you've ever called the towtruck on yourself because you couldn't afford gas.

Jesus walks into an inn puts 3 nails on the counter and asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"