Girl: "Have you ever been caught been wearing your mother's bra? Boy: "No!" Girl: "So you have worn them but not been caught?"

Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional...

If you use your rollaway tool box for your bedroom dresser. If you are afraid to mow your lawn because you might find out where Grandma's been for the last two months.

Any wire cut to length will be too short.

Little Susie was mother's little helper and always set the table when company was coming for dinner. The table was set, the visitors had arrived and everyone sat down at the table when Mother noticed that something was missing. "Susie, you didn't put a knife and fork out for Mr. Grover," mother said. "I didn't think he would need them, Mommy," Susie explained. "Daddy says he eats like a horse!"

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: SSCCRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHH...thump. We shall never know...

Collecting Unemployment Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office. When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay. She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter." Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week. When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was. "Panty stitchers are unski

Did you hear about the eyeglasses maker who moved his shop to an island off Alaska and is now known as an optical Aleutian?

Hello, I am Mr. L, as most people call me. I am going to tell you a story that happened to me years ago. Here goes! People were pouring pollution all around they world; strangely, it made certain animals turn gigantic. That happened to a dog one day, it wasn't pretty. I don't know why, but it was chasing me around the city. Eventually, I gave up and let it do what it wanted to do to me. It came close to me, lifted its leg and... I think I know why I it did what it did. I was wearing a shirt with a fire hydrant on it, and all the other ones were broken. That's my story.

"Yo Momma is so fat that when she entered the elevator and pressed the 'up' button, the elevator went down!" "Oh yeah? Yo Momma is so fat that she can't even fit in the elevator!!"

Sign outside a Chinese restaurant: Try our curries, you'll never get better.

Thanks for having me. I was excited to come back to Calvin, and I was just telling Laura the other night about what fun it would be to come to Calvin College. I said, you know, Laura, I love being around so many young folks. You know, it gives me a chance to relive my glory days in academia. (Laughter.) She said, George, that's not exactly how I would describe your college experience. (Laughter.) She also said one other thing I think the graduates will appreciate hearing, a good piece of advice. She said, the folks here are here to get their diploma, not to hear from an old guy go on too long. (Laughter.) So with that sage advice, here goes. I bring a great message of hope and freedom to Ca