A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother: Dear Grandmother, I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday. With love, Mike

Yo momma so fat, when she entered a fat contest she won 1st, 2nd, and 3rd prizes.

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez "Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - Dave Platt "There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." – Unknown "In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." - English proverb "As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." - Ellen Perry Berkeley "One cat just leads to another." - Ernest Hemmingway "Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly "People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick "There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." – Anonymous

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

A three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left was on the right and the right was on the left. She said, "Paul, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her and said, "No they're not, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."

Little Susie was watching her father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" she asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

A blonde bought a new car that has a computer which can fix the car when anything happens. So she went and blew the engine and the computer said, "In the name of the manufacturer, get fixed," and it was fixed. Then she broke the window and the computer said, "In the name of the manufacturer, get fixed," and it was fixed. Then she said to herself "It's time for the ultimate test," and she jumped from the bridge and the computer said, "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen."

Yo Momma's so fat, when she put on a pair of Nike's, it spelled out Nickelodeon!

You might be a redneck if at your wedding your tux has a sign on the back that says "sponsored by Bubba's Chicken and Waffles!"

Yo momma so fat, when she get in the elevator, u know, its Goin Down! (does motorcyle dance)

What breaks up a redneck orgy? When mom and dad/uncle arrive home too soon.

Does anyone know why I have nightmares? Because the last man that had a "dream" got shot.