Popular Jokes
Real Quotes By George Bush:
This is my maiden voyage. My first speech since I was the president of the United States and I couldn't think of a better place to give it than Calgary, Canada." - George W. Bush, as reported by the Associated Press, Calgary, Canada, March 17, 2009.
"I'm going to put people in my place, so when the history of this administration is written at least there's an authoritarian voice saying exactly what happened." - George W. Bush, on what he hopes to accomplish with his memoir, as reported by the Associated Press, Calgary, Canada, March 17, 2009.
"One of the very difficult parts of the decision I made on the financial crisis was to use hardworking people's money to
The doorbell rings. The woman goes to the door and shortly comes back startled and turns to her husband, seeking help: "Dieter! There's a man standing outside who only asks 'Tatü tata'" (Tatü tata is onomatopoeia for the sound a police car siren makes). Dieter goes to the door and comes back laughing. "It's my coworker from Saxony, asking "is do Dieta da?" (Ist der Dieter da?, "Is Dieter there?")
Why should not a chicken cross the road?
It would be a fowl proceeding.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Because he's "chicken".
Abramovich was sentenced to 5 years, served 10, then fortunately was paroled before he served the rest of his sentence.
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don't do dick.
What do hookers and bungee jump cords have in common?
They're both cheap, fast and if the rubber breaks, your dead!
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and ugly, they don't have jobs and hate children." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the
A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."
The cop got out of his and walked up to the kid who was stopped for speeding. He rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curse. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again.
As he got up, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
Home
