Virginity is like a balloon. One prick and it's gone!

(To understand this joke you should read the Wocka joke entitled: December 1st. Enjoy.) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 2nd RE: Holiday Party In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?" he asked. "No, Father. Just a little gas," Sister Susan explained. A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?" he asked again. "Oh no, Father. Just a little gas," she replied again. A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, "Cute little fart."

All of his life Stosh had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink. So when Stosh's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Stan took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Stosh stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Stan just managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Stosh went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Stosh's eyes and sai

The blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged. So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde Education Department. The blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged now. They wanted other students to see that they weren't just stupid bimbos - after all, they now had their own department at the university. They now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education De

Tommy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Tommy. Six months later the doctor met Tommy on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut th

Several years ago, Baltimore Zoo decided to encamp colonies of tiny Green Monkeys and large Drill Baboons together on an island, the theory being that the primates would stay put because neither could swim. But the morning after the exhibit opened, zoo officials found little Green Monkeys off the island and wandering around the zoo. The next two mornings, it was the same thing. Finally a vigilant keeper discovered the problem stemmed less from cage design than monkey manners. The baboons, unwilling to share food, were grabbing the Green Monkeys by their tails and hurling them like Olympic hammer throwers off the island during suppertime. The monkeys were no worse for their daily shuttle, b

Help.... The Titanic is going to sink. Everybody on the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God... Just then an Italian asks a nearby blond on the ship, Italian: "How far is land from here?" Blond: "Two miles." Italian: "Only two miles? Then why are these fools making so much noise? I can swim even further." The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the surface to ask something again. Italian: "Just tell me which side is the land two miles from here?" Blond: "Downwards......"

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig? Jurassic pork!

We all know that Hilary Duff dyed her hair blonde, but the turning point when she actually BECAME a blonde was in a song she wrote. It was the following: "When the light is off then it isn't on." From the song "So Yesterday."

All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.

While running for the Senate in New York, the young man's political advisor heard some very upsetting news. "Listen," he said, "you must go to Albany right away or you're going to lose a lot of votes. They're telling lies about you there." "I have to go to Buffalo first or I'll lose even more votes," replied the candidate. "Why? What's happening in Buffalo?" the advisor asked. "They're telling the truth about me!" replied the candidate.