A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me." so the woman replies, "If you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."

What did Spock find in the toilet? The captain's log.

The mood of a woman An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of contradiction, She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle a stranger alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk, At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad, She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad. The moods of a man! Hungry! Horny! Sleepy!

A woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, ''If you were my husband I would poison your drink." The man replied, ''If you were my wife I would drink it.''

Men are from Mars, Women from Venus RECEIVED FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR: You know the book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus? Well, here's a prime example of that. This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted). English 44A SMU Creative Writing Prof. Miller In class assignment for Wednesday: Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. Th

Why should you never play poker in the jungle? -because there are too many cheatahs!!

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong, And doesn't mind admitting when he's wrong, One who thinks before he speaks, When he promises to call, he won't wait two weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash he won't be annoyed & opens my door & begs to do more Oh, send me a man who will make love to my mind, knows just what to say when I ask, "How Big is My Behind!?!" One who will kiss me till my body's twitchin', In the hall, the shower, the garden and the kitchen. I pray this man will love me no end, and never attempts to date my best friend. And, as I kneel and pray by my bed ... I l

A blond goes up to a brunette that's wearing a puffy wig with two green ribbons on each front side. The blond says "NICE CAT! HOW DID YOU GET IT TO BALANCE ON YOUR HEAD?" The brunette tears up and says "ITS A WIG! MY FRIENDS TOLD ME IT WAS IN FASHION AND I GUESS THEY HATE ME!!!" The brunette runs home and never noticed that she was talking to a blond. So in the end the brunette was a blond too.

Yo momma's arms are so short that she has to tilt her head to scratch her ears.

The following were some comments made in the year 1957: (1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00." (2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5,000 will only buy a used one." (3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous." (4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?" (5) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store." (6) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon.

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Two cows were in a field grazing. First cow says, "MOO." Second cow says, "You asshole, I was gonna say that."