1 JACK AND JILL Went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill And now they have a son. 2 MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread. 3 HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings' horses, And all the kings' men. Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again. 4 HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock. 5 There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad........ She got

What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? Through her left breast.

Why did the poor dog chase his tail? He was trying to make ends meet!

yo momma is so fat when she hugs people they get lost!

What do you call a black guy and a white guy having sex? mixed nuts.

Not Funny

There once was a man from Perdition Who knew his way around a kitchen His wife was good lookin' The kids loved his cookin' But his mother-in-law kept on bitchin'

At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly, until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle. The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward, why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

You Might be a Redneck If you take your family to K-Mart to see a movie.

One day a three legged dog walked into a bar. He said, "I'm looking for the guy that shot my paw."

I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek. An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come. "Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!" Revitalized, we picked up the pace. "And," he continued, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."

A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy." His friend replies, "How's that?" "It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."