Little Johnny was running away from home, crying his eyes out, when he ran across a policeman. "Where are you going, Little Johnny?" asked the cop. "I'm running away from home," sobbed Little Johnny. The cop asked him, "Why would you want to do something like that?" "My mommy and daddy don't love me any more", he bawled. "What would make you think that?" queries the cop. "Well," says Little Johnny, "I asked my Mom for a brand new pair of roller skates, and she said that they couldn't afford it, the mortgage was too high." "That doesn't mean she doesn't love you," the cop says "No, no, no", says Little Johnny, "you don't understand. Then I asked my dad for a new bicycle and he said th

Yo momma so old she got an autographed copy of the bible.

A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a disturbing fart after making love! She said: "Aww, so sorry. Excuse please, front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud!!

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? Can you make a candle out of your earwax? When French people swear do they say pardon my English? Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later? Can a fire truck park in the fire lane? Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time? "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute? Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? Are marbles made of marble? Why does the last piece of ice always

I don't need to write a joke! Whenever I see your face I start to laugh anyway!!

"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor blade." "Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?" "Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor."

Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence. 1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody. 2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good. 3. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife. 4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose. 5. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my bitch rectum both. 6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint. 7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis. 8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say, "B

yo mommas so stupid, she brought a TV remote to the movie theater.

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I saw that my low-fuel light was on, so I stopped and got $10 worth of gas. And when I was done, I saw that my low-fuel light was still on. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots. There can't be any life on Mars. They haven't asked the United States for any money. When thieves get caught stealing money, they go to jail. When politicians get caught, it's an honest mistake. Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own. My greatest fear is there is no such thing as PMS and this is really my wife's personality. Federal Express had a terrific obstacle to overcome: They had to convince people

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered through the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and with drew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the chorus. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the chorus director and the assistant pastor. After a few moments, there were about tw

1 What's the advantage of having a blonde as a girlfriend? You get to park in handicapped zones. 2 What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A rebel without a clue. 3 Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses? So they don't crap on the street during parades!