A child was born one day with a condition that limited him to only being able to whisper - unable to speak loudly or normally. At about 30 years old he finally goes to the doctor wanting to treat it. "Can you treat this condition, doc?" he whispers very silently, barely heard. "Well, I can run a few tests and try to figure it out," the doctor says. About an hour later the doctor says to the patient, "I have good news and bad news." "What's the good news?" the man whispers. "The good news is that we can cure it." "What's the bad news, doc?" "The bad news is that we'll have to amputate your penis," the doctor says. "Oh no, I can't do that. Never mind," the man murmurs as he left the room.

...a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

Bubba listened to the preacher at the revival and when the preacher asked those with needs to come forward for prayer, Bubba got in line. When it was his turn, the preacher asked, "What do you want me to pray about?" Bubba said, "Pray for my hearing, preacher." The preacher put one hand over Bubba's ear and his other hand on top of Bubba's head and prayed a while. Then he removed his hands and asked, "Bubba, now how is your hearing?" Bubba answered, "I don't know, preacher. It's next Wednesday at the Baton Rouge courthouse!"

Do Chinese eat dogs? Yes. And cats. Especially on our "Thanks receiving" day. Besides, turkeys are our favorite pets. In China only the most uneducated eat turkeys. China is becoming strong. Does your government want to take over the world? Yes, absolutely. As soon as we become powerful, we will invade Iraq and Afghanistan. Why doesn't your government give Tibet back to its monks? Because the monks want to help the Seminoles take back Florida. Are the products made in China very cheap? Yes. Were we using slaves, the price would be even cheaper. Why you are the only kid in your family? Because my parents don't fuck with everybody. You have 1.4 billion people. Now what do you want to do w

A couple preparing for a religious conversion meets with the orthodox rabbi for their final session. The rabbi asks if they have any final questions. The man asks, "Is it true that men and women don't dance together?" "Yes," says the rabbi, "For modesty reasons, men and women dance separately." "So I can't dance with my own wife?" "No." "Well, okay," says the man, "but what about sex?" "Fine," says the rabbi. "A mitzvah within the marriage!" "What about different positions?" the man asks. "No problem," says the rabbi. "Woman on top?" the man asks. "Why not?" replies the rabbi. "How about doggie-style?" "Of course!" "Well, what about standing up?" "NO!" says the rabbi, "It coul

Yo' momma so fat that you gotta be Clifford the Big Red Dog to hit it doggystyle!

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time in reading it." - Moses Hadas.

"What would you like to have; fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or coffee?" "Tea, please." "Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?" "Ceylon tea." "How would you like it? Black or white?" "White." "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?" "With milk, please." "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk?" "With cow milk, please." "Milk from Friesland cow or African cow?" "Um, I'll take it black." "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?" "With sugar, please." "Beet sugar or cane sugar?" "Cane sugar, please." "White, brown or yellow sugar?" "Forget about tea, just give me a glass of water instead." "Mineral water or still water?" "Mineral w

Can You Decipher This Phrase? QQQQQQ No excuse. There is no X listed, but there are some Qs.

How do you know you have a queer Jew? He likes money more than girls.

I'm a nobody and nobody is perfect - therefore, I am perfect.

A man walks into a modern art museum, he sees a piece of art, and says, "Look how ugly that is, the nose is all out of shape, and look at those arms, so small and weak, I bet the person who created this is a wimp!" A security guard nearby says, "Sir, that's a mirror."