Popular Jokes
1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other.
2. They drive side by side, too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.
3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rear view mirrors, either.
4. Slow people drift sideways so they'll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.
5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you'll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.
I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses.
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: "Lost - $50. If found, just keep it."
I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else's property.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work.
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Some people think George is weird, because he has sideburns behind his ears. I think George is we
Little Johnny's mum was sitting in front of computer while Johnny was making sandwiches. She said to Johhny, "You're the best sandwich maker ever," and Johnny says "No mum, you're just lazy."
hahahahahahahahahahaha
A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles."
The boy replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have change for a reward."
(To fully enjoy this joke, please read the Wocka jokes entittled:
December 1st
December 2nd
Enjoy!)
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3rd
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of "Alcoholics Anonymous" requesting a non-drinking table - you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Forget about the gifts exchange. No gift exchangements are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WI
One lesbian said to the other, "I'll just be Frank with you,"
...and the other said, "Ok, you be Frank today and I'll be Frank tommorrow."
Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.
Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"
Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."
Yo momma so fat and stupid, when her doctor told her to go on a seafood diet, she says OK, I see food, I eat it.
One day two robins walked along the road, planning their day.
Robin #1:Oh my god, we totally have to get some bronzing oil!
Robin #2:Duh, I mean if are going to spend the whole day at the beach we totally have to!
That day while the robins were tanning on the beach a big bad fox came along. He took one look at them and said:
Fox:Mmmm, I love Baskin' Robins!
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