What do you do if you find your old man staggering around the backyard? Shoot him again!!!

Your face is so oily, we're going to war over it.

Yo Momma is so dumb, she was on her way to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left" so she turned around and went home

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. "It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street. He'd been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute." "What did you do?" asks the bartender. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

Yo momma is such a whore... She gets more ass than a toilet seat!

Yo momma so fat you can roll over twice and still be on the bitch

Last time my friend went to the zoo, he got in trouble for feeding the monkeys... ...to the lions.

Yo momma's so stupid, she got lost in a parking lot!!

What's the difference between MJ and a grocery bag? One is white, made of plastic, dangerous for children to play with, and the other one holds groceries! Why does MJ like Wal-Mart? Because they have boys' pants half off! What time is bedtime in Neverland? When the big hand touches the little hand! And now, for the grand finale: What is brown and in little boys' pants? MJ's hand!

One day a blonde named Sharon was sitting at her till at the supermarket. Suddenly, she had an idea that would change the world forever. She had invented mind-mail! She called over her boss and told him. He was astonished and said, "Go on then, send me a mail through your mind!" She did as she was told, and sent him one. The manager then said, "I didn't quite get that, what was the message?" She replied, "I dunno, work it out for yourself!"

What was 50 Cent's daughter named? Penny!

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MYTH: A female moth. MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better. RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn. SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time. SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off. TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.