My friend told me these songs about Barney. I hope you like them. (In rhythm to I Love You) I hate you You hate me We're a violent family With a great big gun and a bang from me to you Won't you say you hate me too. (In rhythm to Joy To The World) Joy to the world Barney's dead I barbequed his head What happened to his body I flushed it down the potty And around and around it goes And around and around it And around and around around around it goes

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

Yo momma's so old, I slapped her back and her tits fell off.

At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know, you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"

I'm the kind of person who laughs at a joke three times: Once it's told, once it's explained, and 5 minutes later once I get it.

A man's wife was in labor with their first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly the man's wife began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't wouldn't, didn't, can't!!" The man said,"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?!" The doctor replied, "Nothing. She's just having contractions."

yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited for the manager all night, and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the manager and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the manager and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the manager and when he came she says,"Dude, yo momma, not grandma, is so dumb, when she got locked in the telephone store she waited all night for the

1 What do blondes and cow pies have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. 2 What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine? She peed on her corn flakes. 3 What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? She turned it over and used the other side. 4 Did you hear about the stupid blonde? She got hit by a parked car. 5 Why can't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calculator? Because she can't find the 10

Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this! Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again. Someday I hope to get married, but not to you. Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike!

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport. Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight. Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists. In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man. Chuck

1. A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless you're a diabetic!!!!! 2. People who live in glass houses should have sex in their basements!!!

Yo momma is so dark, she's not afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of her.