One day a boy said to his mom, "I'm a Picses, what are you?" The the mom answered, "Cancer." The boy then asked in a shocked state, "You killed Grandma?"

You are a redneck if: Your pet groundhog has ever bitten more than one of your thumbs off.

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and good Christian ways. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!! One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief says "You taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!" The missionary replies says, "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occur

Why can't a gypsy man walk right? Because he has crystal balls!

I often dream of the day when my car will be able to drive me home after a long hard day of work. That's about the time the driver next to me abruptly blows his horn telling me to wake up and get back into my own lane.

One night, a little boy and his father were having a conversation. The father asked the boy, "Can you say your ABC's, son?" "Yes I can! A...B..C..." and he goes through the whole alphebet. The father then said, "That's good, but can you say it backwords?" The boy smiles and says, "yeah", so he turns around and says, "A...B...C..."

A man who digs? Doug! A man who doesn't dig? Douglas! A woman with a cat on her head? Kitty!

How To Annoy People In An Elevator: Ask, "Did you hear that cable snapping sound?" Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you're on. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.

Q. What do you call a blond, redneck lawyer? A. Yo Momma!

Q. Why was the piano locked out? A. Because he had no keys!

When I was younger my father always told me to be more lady like and civil. I decided to teach him a lesson. When we arrived at his mothers house there were donuts on the table. We sat around and talked(and munched) I soon got up to excuse myself saying "I have to pee." Dad reminded me that there was a better way to put that. "I'm sorry" I said "I have to powder my nose like a racehorse."

You are a redneck if: You think the following is funny You haven't read the joke "You are a Redneck If... #900".