The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day. Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it over with." "Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!" The inmate thought. "Actually,

Politics - A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage

Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs. yet the mom weighs 30 lbs. more? Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one? Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number? If the handicapped bathrooms are for people who can't walk why do they put them at the end of the bathrooms? Can someone give up lent for lent? Why do people say, "You've been working like a dog," when dogs just sit around all day? If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out? And why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary?

There was once a beautiful woman named Rebecca who lived with 3 men: an author, an artist, and a blind man.They each visited her once a day. One day Rebecca was taking a shower when she heard a knock at the door, so she put on a towel and answered the door. It turned out to be the artist. He said, "Congratulate me, congratulate me! I have just finished a masterpiece." Rebecca congratulated him, then closed the door. Right when Rebecca was getting back in the shower, she heard another knock so she put her towel back on and it was the author. He said, "Congratulate me, congratulate me! I have just finished a new best-seller." Rebecca congratulated him, then closed the door. Rebecca got ba

What did the porcupine say to the cactus? "Is that you, mommy?"

Cecil and Scott are two homosexuals living together. It was extremely hot one day and Cecil arrived home to find Scott with his ass in the freezer. "Scott! What are you doing with your ass in the freezer?" Scott replied, "It was so hot outside, I thought you'd like something cool to slip into!"

Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

Sunday's sermon was -- Forgive Your Enemies. Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80 percent of the congregation held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" the minister asked. "I don't have any." She replied. smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Jones, That is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-Eight." She replied. "Oh, Mrs. Jones. Would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered dow

Yo momma so nasty I was on the phone with her, and she gave me an ear infection.

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir. "A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul. "White man sit on well.

Did you know that the goverment finds Native American chiefs more important than presidents? The new head on Mt. Rushmore is at least twice the size of the others. It's the head of an Indian!

Idiot # 1 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away. Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot # 2 Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the