A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice... "I don't fink my pet pyfon weally gives a thit."

There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman stranded on an island. They see a cave up ahead. The Englishman goes in and sees some toast on a rock. He goes over to it but then a voice comes. "Dont eat the toast," the voice shouts. The Englishman runs out. The Scotsman walks in and sees the toast as well, the voice comes back. "Don't eat the toast." The Scotsman thinks it's his imagination but then he hears it again, "Don't eat the toast," says the voice,the Scotsman runs out. The Irishman wondering what's going on, goes inside. He hears the voice once, thinks nothing of it. He hears the voice again, still he ignores it. He picks up the toast and eats it. The voice shouts, "I war

A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp read, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me."

Yo momma so fat she went on a sea food diet - she see food and eat it.

1.) That in school, getting a zero for a grade seems better than getting a 20 or a 30. 2.) That when you are hungry, you look in the refrigerator constantly, even though you know there's nothing to eat in there. 3.) That ketchup has TONS of sugar? What's up with that? 4.) That when you vacuum and there's a piece of lint or something on the floor that's too big to suck up with the vacuum cleaner, instead of picking it up, you just sit there rolling the vacuum over and over it hoping it will suck it up?? 5.) That when you think of something funny and someone else says,"What's so funny?" You say,"It's a long story" when really it isn't?

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from KFC

We and You is friends. You smile, We smile..... You hurt, We hurt.... You cry, We cry... You jump off a bridge... We gonna miss you!

Dear brother, I smile because you are my brother. I laugh because there is absolutely nothing you can do about it!

I work at Bed, Bath and Beyond in the 'Beyond' dept.

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Q: What's the difference between a blond and a toothbrush? A: You don't lend a toothbrush to your best friend.