Popular Jokes
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
"Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES."
One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you don't stop them?!"
"Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled . . . "Their sign pertains to religion."
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuri
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.
"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, r
Once there were twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."
Joe thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Hell no, in fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked l
A blonde filled her car with gas at a self-service gas station. After she had paid and driven away, she realized that she had left the gas cap on top of her car.
She stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.
Well, she thought for a second and realized that other people must do the same thing from time to time, so maybe it was worth going back to look by the side of the road. She figured that even if she couldn't find her own gas cap, she might be able to find one someone else lost that would fit her car.
She didn't have to search long when, sure enough, she found a gas cap. She tried it, and it went into place with a satisfying click.
"Great," she thought, "I lost my gas cap, bu
The Officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mph, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
"Dammit woman, can't you ke
You're so fat, the last time you went on a bus, the ticket read ''Please allow up to 28 days for delivery.''
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken.
Q: Why did the pencil cross the road?
A: It was lead.
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.
2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand".
4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
7. Women need to fe
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