Q. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills? A. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.

What is more stupid then a brunette trying to start a fire in a pool? A blonde trying to put it out.

A blonde was recently fired from her cashier job, because she kept stealing money from the register. She went looking for work the next day. A few days later, she came to a man who needed someone. "I'm here for the paint job", the blonde said eagerly. "Alright. Take this paint and brush, and go paint my backyard porch", replied the man. The blonde immediately started painting. After she was done, she decided to do a second coat. When she was finished, she went to the man to get her pay. "I finished it, and did a second coating too! By the way, that's not a Porsche, it's a new BMW".

Insurance Form Statements... Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As

It was a sweltering hot day when three guys, Arnold, Bobby and Calvin, were walking along a never-ending path in a park. Arnold: It sure is hot! I'd like a vanilla cone very much. Bobby: Yeah, my shirt's soak with sweat. I'd give 10 bucks for a strawberry cone. Calvin: Well I'd give 20 bucks for any cone. Arnold picks something off the ground saying, "Pay up Cal, here's a pine cone."

If two black cats walk by each other, then do they both get bad luck? Does the more disgusting foods mean that they are healthier? When you get your first pair of scissors you need a pair of scissors to open the pair of scissors that you just got. So how are you going to get it open?

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back, there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the Chinese laundryman that says, "Use more soap on panties." This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. "Use more soap on panties." Finally, fed up, the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, "Use more paper on ass."

There were two blondes who went deep into the woods searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

"Hillary Clinton has finished her memoirs for publication next year, while Bill has barely finished the first chapter. Well, in all fairness, Fiction is a lot harder to write." - Jay Leno

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two tired.