Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson. He brought the house down. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? David. He rocked Goliath to sleep. What is the best way to get to Paradise? Turn right and go straight.

You might be a redneck if you were married in a laundromat.

Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them. What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill. How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let her do the dishes in the dark. What do toys and womens breasts have in common? They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them. What is love? The delusion that one woman differs from another. Monkeys and girls both are same. They fight only for bananas. Boys and rats are same; they search only for holes. Why did God create lesbians? So feminists couldn't breed. Why do women talk so much? Because they have two sets of lips. What's the difference between your

Which animal has no teeth? A gummy bear!

A Thanksgiving Cookbook by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Meghan H. - Turkey You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. You take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it. Megan K - Chicken You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it. Christa - Cookies Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them. Jordan Simons - Chocolate Pudding Buy some chocolate pudding mix

While visiting a relative in Chicago, a University of Alabama student went to a party where he met a very attractive co-ed. Attempting to strike up a conversation with her, he asked, "Where does you go to school?" The co-ed, not at all impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, thought she would at least be polite and answer. "Yale," she said. Taking a deep breath, the UA student shouted, "I says, where does you go to school?"

Two detectives were investigating a scene, The victims had their hands and head cut off. "It's going to be a nightmare identifying the bodies, with no finger prints or faces" said one. The other replied, "I thought it would be rather easy, how many people do you know walking around with no head or hands?"

What do you call a group of Jew baritones and sopranos singing? Soap opera.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

Man A remarkable animal whose head swells when you pat his back. Woman Creature who acts nice to you because she doesn't like you, or mean, because she does. People Some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened. Optimist Girl who regards a bulge as a curve. Pessimist Man who looks for a pink slip before the money in his pay envelope.

I Hate you you hate me barney gave *****(1) H.I.V so we kicked them in the balls and shot her in the head now that *****(2) bitch is dead anii stars ***** men add someones nae or add an adjective to fit i.e - *****(1)fred *****(2)ugly

A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets) and Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS: "I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."