Mom: How did you do on your history test? Kid: Not good. Mom: Why? Kid: They asked me things that happened before I was born!

Yo mama is so stupid, on Halloween she looked ouside the window and said, "Oh, no!" and called the Ghost Busters.

Your momma is so fat, your dad rolled on her and never came off.

Where do the monsters go when they lose a hand? To the second-hand shop.

Yo momma is so stupid, she thought Fruit Punch was a gay boxer

Note: Most of these will only work in middle or high school. 1. When the bell rings, run out the classroom and when the hall is crowded, yell "MARCO!" See who answers. 2. If you're in biology doing a lab, drop some water into a beaker and then duck under your desk screaming "IT'S GONNA BLOW!" When everyone stares, just say "Oh, my mistake." 3. Run to your next class randomly pointing at different people. At the top of your lungs, scream "WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME? LEAVE ME ALONE!" 4. Randomly bust a dance move every now and then. 5. Write notes to classmates saying, "I need you for a top secret mission. Write back accepting or declining my request. This message will explode in ten second

Look at those ears! You have so much wax, that if I stuck a wick in there you would sing "Happy Birthday!"

i want to live in a big castle and to be a princess

One day there was a blonde, brunette, and a red-head. (How often do ya hear that? A lot!) The brunette said, "Wanna go out for a bite?" "Sure," said the blonde. A guy walked down the street and the blonde said, "I call him!" The blonde went and got him to bite her. "Why did ya do that," asked the brunette? "I got a BITE."

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver. Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. Multi-Pliers - Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in

Yo Momma's feet smell so bad that her shoes committed suicide.