Popular Jokes
You are a redneck if:
You think the following is funny
You haven't read the joke "You are a Redneck If... #900".
A son and a father are walking together in a sunday morning, chatting. They enter a park and pass by a big, fat man, on a bench, drooling in his sleep (with his mouth open) and a bag of potato chips on his lap. As they pass by him the son snickers, while the father sighs. They continue walking talking about many things. Eventually, a hot woman in a red dress passes by, the son looks at her with eyes of passion. The father looks at her too.
"Son, don't be fooled by a woman's good looks"
the son looks at his father, ready for a lesson.
"That's your mom 20 years ago"
then he sighs.
"That's your mom now", he says as he looks at the man on the bench.
My friend told me these songs about Barney. I hope you like them.
(In rhythm to I Love You)
I hate you
You hate me
We're a violent family
With a great big gun
and a bang from me to you
Won't you say you hate me too.
(In rhythm to Joy To The World)
Joy to the world
Barney's dead
I barbequed his head
What happened to his body
I flushed it down the potty
And around and around it goes
And around and around it
And around and around around around it goes
A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
Here are some cute things kids thought up when asked to write about the moon (all the spelling mistakes are original!)
The moon is a saterlight.
A long time ago a big object hit the Moon and some of the moon fell off.
If u look through a telliscope you can see big holes.
There are big montines on the moon just like on Earth - they are some of the left-overs of the Moon in big lumps
Neil Armstrong was the first person to step on the Moon. He had weights in his boots so he wouldn't fall off.
A kid is holding a conversation with a talking dog.
"Why do you poop in people's yards?" asks the little kid.
"We've learned to sit and we've learned to stay," said the dog. "We've learned to lay down, roll over, and play dead. People taught us the 'No' command, the 'Heel' command, and even the 'Shake Paws' command. But nobody ever thought to teach us the 'GET THE F*** OUT OF MY YAAAARD!!!!' command!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TEN