A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His answer? "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7".

This truly happened in an advanced oral English classroom: When the teacher asked the students: "What surprised you most in Tsinghua?" One of them answered, "Well, I'd heard that girls in Tsinghua were terribly ugly before I came here. However, when I arrived here myself, I was surprised to find there's so many pretty girls, some of them are even sexy......" At that, all girls in the room smiled shyly. Then he continued, "But when the holiday was over, I found all of them had gone!"

A little girl was sat in science, when she wet herself. She goes to her teacher and says "I've wet myself". The teacher asks "Why didn't you put your hand up?" She replies "I did, but it just ran down my hand!"

"We Haven't Had Any" A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." The manager then drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. "Now, what was it she wanted?" The clerk answered, "Snow."

Mother: Did you eat all the cookies. Tom? Tom: I didn't touch one. Mother: That's strange. There's only one left. Tom: That's the one I didn't touch.

Please answer yes or no to this question. Is your answer "no"? Hint: This is under trick, remember. Answer: Yes or no.

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me up for that? Did I mention the video camera? Hurry up! This room rents by the hour! Can you please pass me the remote control? Do you accept Visa? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ On second thought, let's turn off the lights. Do you get any premium movie channels? Try not to smear my make-up, will ya? But I just brushed my teeth . . . Smile, you're on Candid Camera! Did you know the ceiling needs painting? Did I remember to take my pill? But my cat always sleeps on that pillow . . . Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed? You're almost as good as my ex! Now I know why he/she dumped you . . . What are you planning to make

Gene Pitney dies, and his widow is told that the coffin would take a week if it was made from Oak - but only 24 hours from Balsa!

The three wise men went to visit Jesus right after he was born. One wise man was extremely tall. He hit his head on the top of the door frame and said, ''Jesus Christ!'' Joseph looked at Mary and said ''Write that down -- that's way better than Clyde!''

This guy at work argued with everybody that his pink oxford shirt was actually "salmon." Finally, human resources brought in a grizzly bear to settle the dispute.

Swine flu may affect your hearing: you could get crackling in one ear!

She was only a whisky maker's daughter, but he loved her still.