You're so fat, when you sit around the house, you really sit around the house.

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about 50 years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there. They did this and had a great time. Howev

How is a computer like an air conditioner? When you open Windows it won't work!

A doctor who works at the mental hospital wants to take his patients out to a baseball game seeing as they're so well behaved. He goes to his colleagues and asks them if it's ok. They don't want to let him take them in case they misbehave or do something wrong seeing as they're complete nutcases. But the doctor wants to show them that the patients are really good. So he brings them in and says, "Sit Nuts." And all the patients sit. He then says, "Stand Nuts." And all the patients stand. He then says "Talk Nuts." And they all start chatting. The other doctors are impressed and agree its ok. So they go to the stadium and the doctor leaves to go get snacks. When he comes back out everyone i

There was an foreign man who knew a little english and lived in a hotel. One day he told the waitress "I wanta fuck" the waitress said "what!!!" I wanta fuck, I wanta fuck on the table." The waitress answered and said "you better not you son of a bitch" so the waitress left mad and never gave him a fork. The next day he went to the manager and said "I wanta shit" the manager said "what!!!" "I wanta shit, I wanta shit on my bed" the manager answered "you better not you son of a bitch" and he never got the sheet he wanted.

Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind. The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep." So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!" And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."

*******before you read this I want you all to know this is a real letter written to an airline company by a passanger who rode in the plane*********** Dear Continental Airlines, I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left am and touch the door. All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It's difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is. Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that's blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the wooos

Q What has two legs, and bleeds? A Half a dog!

You know you're a redneck if you introduce a friend to your wife and sister and he only has to shake one hand.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the bulb has got to WANT to change.

Did you hear the one about the Polish wolf? He chewed off three legs and was still caught in the trap.

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked he