A boy was late to school on the first day, and his new teacher asked, "What is your name young man?" The boy replied," Michael Gay." The teacher said," Why are you calling a kid gay? What is your name boy?" The boy said, "Michael Gay!" The teacher said," That's ENOUGH young man. Go to the principal's office. THIS SECOND!" The principal saw him and asked him," What is your name young man?" The boy says, " Michael Gay." The principal asks," Why are you calling a gay?" And what is your name?" The boy gets angry and says, "Michael Gay!" The principal says, "Thats it young man, you're suspended! The boy got home and his mother asked," Why are you in trouble?" The boy says, "Michael Gay." The moth

Yo momma's so ugly, she looked at me and my eyes burned off.

Why did the penny become angry with the nickel? Because the nickel was a "penny pincher".

You Know You're Addicted to Caffeine When... 1.) You haven't slept since the Clinton Administration. 2.) Your next-door neighbors often call to complain about the sound of your chattering teeth. 3.) Instead of Tic Tacs, you suck on Vivarin. 4.) You plan to name your twins "Cappuccino" and "Espresso." 5.) On the way to work you get pulled over for speeding and you don't even have your car. 6.) You kill a guy for trying to switch your regular coffee to decaffeinated Folgers. 7.) You wake up in the middle of the night screaming "Pepsi! For the love of God, I need Pepsi!" 8.) When a Maxwell House commercial comes on, you actually lick the TV screen. 9.) You drink so much coffee it star

Why did the blonde bury her walkman? Because the batteries were dead.

LADY TO BEGGAR- Why don't you get a job? BEGGAR- Actually, I'm an author. I once wrote a book entitled "One Hundred Ways to Make Money." LADY- Well then why are you begging? BEGGAR- It's one of my ways...

Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.

What Men Want More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified cigars. Public beer fountains. Kitty catapults. All day happy hour at a lesbian Hooters. Wet T-shirt Fridays. Replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors. Rocket boots. Machine gun camp. NASA space shuttle races. Sledgehammer boxing. Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind, and delete arguments. Congressional pie fights. Government research grants to build the perfect chicken parmesan hero. More beer. More cheese. More sex. Tomahawk missile surf boards. Hot tub jury boxes. Nacho cheese lipstick. Personal midget-ninja chauffeurs. New TV shows: PBS' The BBQ Hour, Tota

*Types Password* -Penis ~We're sorry, the password you have entered isn't long enough.

What's the difference between a duck and a spider? A duck has a web in its feet, a spider has its feet in a web!

Why was the cemetary so crowded? Everyone was dying to get in!!!!

A blond goes into a pizza shop for a snack. She orders, "May I have a veggie pizza slice with all the works?" The worker says, "That would be our combo pizza." The blond says, "No, thanks. I'll stay with the veggie slice."